


What We Became

by FromTheBoundlessSea



Series: Daughter of Thief and Guard [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst muffins, Do Not Separate The Heirs Of Durin, Durin Family, Durin Family Angst, Durin Family Feels, Dwalin/Female Nori, Dwarf Courting, Dwarven Politics, Dwarves and Hobbits Have the Same Lifespan, Emotionally Constipated Thorin, F/M, Female Bilbo Baggins, Female Bilbo Baggins/Fili - Freeform, Female Bilbo Baggins/Kili - Freeform, Female Friendship, Female Nori (Tolkien), Fíli Angst, Fíli Feels, Fíli Is a Sweetheart, Fíli and Kíli Brotherly Love, Kili angst, Kíli Feels, Love Triangle, NO DURINCEST!!!!, Overprotective Dwarves, Pre-The Hobbit, Reincarnation?, Stubborn Dwarves, Thorin Is an Idiot, Thorin gives bad advice, Young Bilbo Baggins, the boys are just brothers!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-10-18 23:36:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17590565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FromTheBoundlessSea/pseuds/FromTheBoundlessSea
Summary: As Ro and Fíli and Kíli grow up in the mountains of Ered Luin, their dynamics shift and change.Sometimes it would be nice if things could just stay the same.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ro – 20 (looks 10)  
> Kíli – 30 (looks 15)  
> Fíli – 35 (looks about 17)

Ro crawled into the bed her parents shared and pushed her way between them. Her mum made room easily while her da groaned and promptly pulled her and her mum into his arms. 

“Bad dream, mizimith?” Her da asked, rubbing his beard against her cheek. 

“It was cold,” she whispered into the night air. “Mum and you weren’t moving.”

Her da pressed a kiss to her nose. “Your mum is always moving, even when she’s asleep. And I will only stop moving if your Uncle Dori decides he wants to try cooking again. Sleep, little one.”

Ro pressed her nose against her da’s shoulder and fell promptly asleep. 

***

“Well you’re no fun anymore,” Kíli groaned as Fíli dragged him back to their lessons. “Come on, just play hooky for one day!”

“There’s an important meeting with the Iron Hills, we need to review etiquette and protocol.”

Kíli rolled his eyes. “As I said before, no fun.”

“Kíli! Fíli!”

The boys froze and in an instant they were met with a hobbit lass frazzled and barreling towards them. Soon, Kíli found Ro climbing up him and then atop his head to which she somehow was able to get to Fíli’s shoulders since the blond prince was slightly taller. 

“Ro, what did you—” Fíli began. 

“No time!” She grabbed onto Fíli’s braids and yanked them forward, causing him to yelp. “We need to get to the library. Quick! Quick! Quick!”

The three arrived quickly to the library. Kíli helped Ro down from Fíli’s shoulders while the golden haired prince began to swear under his breath in Khuzdul. Oh, Kíli was definitely going to tell their amad about that. 

“Okay, Ro,” the brunet prince asked, “why are we at the library?”

“Ori’s being bullied again and they only laugh when I tell them to stop.” Her lower lip stuck out in an adorable little pout and stomped her tiny hairy foot on the ground for effect. 

“Well Fí, I think some of our princely duties are to help the meek. I say it’s a good excuse to skip lessons.”

They followed Ro into the library. Soon enough, they came upon a group of dwarrow, most of whom were in either Kíli or Fíli’s classes, surrounding a sitting and cowering Ori. Kíli sighed. One would think that a person with Dwalin as a brother-in-law would have at least a little more of a spine. 

Before he could stop her, Ro stormed over to the older dwarrow and began telling them off. One of them laughed down at her and another pinched her ear and then pushed her down onto the floor. 

Anger bloomer in Kíli’s chest. How dare they. Tears began to spill down Ro’s cheeks. That was his limit. 

He barely had time to take a step forward before Fíli stormed over and grabbed the one that had pushed Ro down by the collar and lifted him up. 

“Pr-Prince Fíli!” He squawked. 

“These two are Durinfolk. One is the apprentice of the chief advisor and the other is the daughter of our head guard. You owe them the respect afforded them.” Fíli all but growled at the other dwarf. 

Kíli could only stare for just a moment before he helped Ro up and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. She buried her face against his hip. Kíli shuddered slightly. The Lion Prince had come to play it seemed. 

“Now, get out. Your parents will be hearing from Master Balin shortly.”

The group of dwarrow fled quickly.

“Are you alright Ori?” Fíli asked gently. 

“I’m fine,” the scribe said before glancing at his niece. “I told you to go home, not to find the princes.”

“It wasn’t fair.” She stomped her foot again, her voice muffled by Kíli’s tunic. 

Fíli pinched his nose and sighed. He crouched down so he was eye level with Ro. “Are you okay?”

Ro nodded. She was probably rubbing snot on his tunic, but Kíli could honestly care less. He began to stroke her curls gently, ruffling the braids only slightly. She lifted her arms and he picked her up carefully. 

“I’ll take her home,” Kíli said. “You keep studying Ori. And you go ahead to the lessons, Fí, you’re the crown prince anyway. They won’t care how I behave.”

He shifted Ro to his hip and bid his brother and friend goodbye. 

“You really okay, Ro?”

She nodded again and pressed her button nose into his neck. “Is Fíli mad at me?”

“No.”

“But he looked angry.”

“He was angry at those other dwarrow.” Kíli laughed. “I doubt he could ever be angry at you. You’re too cute to be angry with.”

She pushed away from him and leaned back to give him an impressive scowl. “I am not cute.”

Kíli sniggered. “You’re adorable.”

“Am not!”

Kíli just laughed the rest of the way to Dwalin’s residence. 

***

Fíli shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He didn’t mind his duties as his uncle’s heir. Sometimes he just wished he didn’t have to do all these things now. He glanced out the window at the gentle warm rain. Ro was probably playing outside at that very moment. She did love playing in the rain—which was apparently very odd for a hobbit. Kíli was probably out there as well.

“Does the rain bother you, Prince Fíli?” Adrina asked from his left. 

He shifted his attention back to the late lunch provided for the Iron Hills delegation. Adrina was the daughter of one of Dain’s advisors. She and her family were apparently moving to Ered Luin as permanent representatives to the mountain. She was pretty. But her hair was too blonde and her eyes too blue. 

“Not at all,” he replied. He remembered once, just after Ro returned to the mountain it had rained in the middle of the night and Ro had gone outside to play and returned to Fíli’s bed covered in mud with a gigantic frog in her hand. He woke up to said frog jumping onto his face. Fíli smiled at the memory. “I quite like it, actually.”

Adrina smiled back. “I heard there was a non-dwarf living in the Durin apartments. Is that true? I heard it was an elf child.” She said the second to last word quietly as though it were a swear word. 

“No, she isn’t an elf. She has pointed ears so I guess some people might believe that. She’s what you would call a hobbit. Her people live south of here in a place called the Shire. You’ll meet a few if you continue to live here. We trade with them often.”

“Are her parents here too?”

“Not technically. Her birth parents died when she was young. She’s the adopted daughter of Balin’s younger brother and his One.”

“Oh. Didn’t her people want her?”

“They did, but she couldn’t part with Dwalin and Nori. I wasn’t there but apparently she screamed and cried until they turned around and went back for her. Her grandfather, the leader of the hobbits, was very understanding.” Fíli honestly didn’t know what would have happened if he had never gotten to see Ro again. He had felt hollow in his chest when she had left. 

“Your family is very kind to take care of her.” Adrina smiled at him again. Fíli noticed how she leaned more closely to him. “It must be so hard for her to be alone in a place she wasn’t made for.”

The prince stiffened. “She was made for the mountains. She’s as capable as any dam her age.” He snorted. “Probably more so because she likes keeping my brother in line.”

“Oh!” She giggled. “I have heard your brother enjoys skipping off the line. Are they close in age?”

He blinked, confused. “There’s ten years between them.”

“That isn’t so bad. Perhaps they shall be Ones.” She beamed at her own ingenuity. “It would be wise politically since she is the granddaughter of her people’s leader and he is a prince. Oh, it would be so romantic!”

Something twisted in Fíli’s stomach. Ones? Kíli and Ro? He… He supposed it made some sense. But why didn’t it sit right with him? 

“I believe Ro only sees Kíli as a brother,” Fíli said quickly. Did she? What did his brother think of her? “She’s only a child after all. I doubt she even thinks of things like that right now.”

Adrina hummed for a moment. “It isn’t as though she’ll be a child forever.”

“Of course.” That didn’t sit well with Fíli either. He didn’t want to imagine Ro growing up. She could decide to live in the Shire some day. She was to train with them for three years at one point after all. What if she liked it better there? What if she finds a hobbit lad…? No. He wasn’t going to think of that now. 

“I hope we can be great friends, Prince Fíli.” Adrina smiled at him again. She was too close. “Perhaps you could show me around?”

Fíli smiled on reflex, his mind still on Ro—a future where Ro wasn’t close or a future where she only smiled at Kíli. He honestly didn’t know which was worse. “Perhaps.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mizimith – jewel that is young


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ro – 30 (looks 15)  
> Kíli – 40 (looks 20)  
> Fíli – 45 (looks about 21)

Ro busied herself with her studies. 

Her aptitude for healing had been apparent at a very young age. Her mum and da were very supportive of her studies. They didn’t expect her to follow in their footsteps. She wasn’t big enough to be a guard. Sure she could take down a dwarf her age if she tried, but she had just rather not. She was sneaky enough to train to be a spymaster, but she was horrible at keeping secrets that weren’t her own. 

Speaking of secrets…

She sensed them before they came up from behind her in the library. Ro smirked. Her ears were a lot better than everyone else’s too. They were pointed, which is why some of the nastier dwarrow called her ‘tree shagger’ behind her back, and excellent at picking up the tiniest noises. 

Ro turned around and smiled at her favorite dwarrow after her parents. Kíli had actually been attempting to sneak up on her while Fíli was simply trying to be quiet. Even though they had their own duties to attend to, they always made time for her. 

“Hey, Ro Underfoot,” Kíli smiled easily, wrapping her up in a hug. “Still burying your nose in your books?”

She sniffed at the nickname. “Of course. You could learn a thing or two from me you know. Uncle Balin might not have to whack you upside the head as often.”

Kíli gave her a mock look of horror while Fíli shook his head and chuckled. 

“Don’t laugh, Fí. Besides, aren’t you supposed to meet with Adrina soon?” Kíli snickered, elbowing his brother in the side. 

Ro’s stomach knotted for only a moment. 

Adrina and her family had come to Ered Luin ten years ago and Ro had disliked her immediately. 

It wasn’t that Adrina was mean, per say. However she hated how Adrina seemed to think her some sort of charity case. Oh, she never said it out loud or to Ro’s face, but she knew. The dam would alway comment on how lucky Ro was to be taken in by Durinfolk and how lucky she was to have the princes for friends. 

Ro knew it was. If it weren’t for her mum, she’d have frozen with Belladonna and Bungo (that had been a rather difficult conversation and Fíli had had to leave his studying to find her). She knew she was lucky. She knew in all respect the princes shouldn’t be as close to her as they were. But they were her best friends. She hated how Adrina made her feel beneath them. 

It didn’t help that she seemed to take up ALL of Fíli’s time since she came. She would pull him along and push Ro and Kíli to spend more time together.

It’s not that Ro didn’t like spending time with Kíli. She loved pulling pranks with him and giving Thorin grey hairs. But she wanted Fíli there too. Kíli made Ro feel as light as air whenever they had their adventures. But Fíli made her feel grounded. Safe. 

It didn’t help that Adrina was the epitome of dwarven beauty. Basically everything Ro wasn’t. Even Kíli thought she was pretty and he thought dams were annoying at best. Fíli never commented on her looks but his face always turned red when the dam would wrap her arms around one of his and press her chest against his bicep. 

Fíli groaned. “I’d much rather hang out with you two.” He ruffled Ro’s hair and she felt her cheeks redden. Luckily, Fíli didn’t see. “She wants me to help her with test with Balin coming up.”

“She wants to become an advisor, doesn’t she?” Ro asked, jerking her head away and fixing her hair. It was so easy for them because their hair was slightly wavy. Her curls were nearly unmanageable but she wasn’t old enough to put in an elaborate braid yet. 

“You’ll have to see her every day when you’re king then Fí,” Kíli smirked. 

Fíli sighed. “Just one of the many things I have to do.”

“We have time though, right?” Ro asked. 

Fíli smiled. “Always for you little Ro. Always.”

***

“Hey, Ro,” Kíli said weakly as he lifted his hand slightly in greeting. 

Her grey eyes widened in slight horror as she looked at him through her window. He knew he looked pretty bad. Gash on his head and his other arm hanging limply at his side. 

“Mind if I come through?”

“Not with that arm you aren’t.” She practically jumped out of her window and onto the ledge that Kíli had barely managed to climb up on. “What happened?” She began her inspection. “Are you hurt anywhere else? Was anyone else hurt? Is Fíli okay?”

The last question twinged him a tiny bit, but he was rather surprised that was the last question she asked. 

“Mucking about in an abandoned mine. Collapsed. I think I’m a little bruised everywhere. No one else was there. Fíli’s studying with Adrina.”

Ro nodded, not looking him in the eye. “Sit down. Take your tunic off so I can see the damage.” Kíli did as he was told. “I’m guessing you want a quick fix?”

“Read my mind.”

She nodded and headed back into her room before coming out with water and a cloth to wash off the blood on his head. She knelt down next to him and began to clean. “Why would you do something so stupid?”

“Happy early birthday.” He pulled out what he had gone into the cavern for. “I still need to set it, but I thought I’d show you now anyway.”

It was uncut stone embedded with star quartz. In the near darkness of the night, the quartz twinkled like stars against the dark obsidian of the rock. 

He had planned on actually having the piece he intended to create, a simple necklace, finished by Ro’s birthday. He hadn’t planned on getting hurt and he’d rather not worry his amad or have his brother get angry at him. He scoffed inwardly. Dragging himself to see Ro like this would make Fíli mad regardless. 

“Kíli I don’t need a birthday present if you’re going to hurt yourself getting it.” 

Ro shifted forward and pressed her lips to the cut and Kíli felt the familiar spark of its healing. She didn’t necessarily need to kiss it anymore. But she still did occasionally. Ro pressed another kiss to his shoulder. This time he felt a crack as the joint snapped into place. Then she pressed her hands to his chest and a faint green glow radiated from her fingers and he felt warm. Bruises always felt nice when healed. 

“I didn’t plan on getting hurt, you know.” He smirked. 

She rolled her eyes and cupped his jaw with both her hands. He didn’t have a beard yet. But he still felt the slight friction against his skin. “You should still be careful.”

“I know.”

She smiled. It was like the stars themselves. “You should go before my da sees you.”

“I’m a prince, your da doesn’t scare me.”

“Or my mum.”

“Leaving.” Kíli pushed himself up and helped Ro stand too. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

She rolled her eyes and started to head to her room. “Don’t I always?”

“Always.”

***

“What are you making?”

Fíli paused, his hammer stayed in the air for only a moment before he brought it back down. He wouldn’t answer her until he finished shaping the blade. It was small and delicate, but made of some white iron he had been able to buy from his uncle. It would be an impressive dagger once he was finished with it. He stuck it in the pail of water before turning to see Adrina at the entrance of his uncle’s forge. 

“It’s a birthday present for Ro.”

“That’s kind of you,” she said with a smile. “She seems too small for something so sharp though.”

“She’s old enough to have a weapon of her own. I already asked her da about it. He said it was okay.”

He still needed to do the engraving on the blade and then the hilt that he was carving from rosewood. It was going to look rather impressive based on the designs he made. Even Thorin thought it would turn out well. He said to make sure Ro knew it was only a birthday gift and not any other kind of gift. He was fifteen years older than her. Why did Thorin feel the need to tell him that? 

“I’m sure she’ll love it.” Adrina replied. “I mean, how many people get gifts from the crown prince.”

He couldn’t decide it that was a barb over the fact that he hadn’t made anything for her birthday since they had become acquainted. He always made things for Ro and Kíli’s birthday. It wasn’t unusual for any of them. 

“I’m just Fíli to her, so I doubt she sees it as some grand honor. It’s not like I’m presenting her with mithril.”

He and Kíli both had a stone of mithril to use for beads whenever they find claim their Ones. Who knew when that would be. His mind wandered to Ro for a flit of a moment. 

“Even so. Some dwarrow might take it the wrong way.”

“And what way would that be?”

“That you wish to court her.” She tilted her head, analyzing him. 

Fíli stiffened. “She’s a friend. That’s all. Practically a sister.” The word, that title, felt like vinegar on his tongue. 

“Some might not see it that way and as your future advisor I advise you to not get the poor girl’s hopes up.”

“I’m like a brother to her.” His stomach churned. “What you’re saying is ridiculous.”

“You’re the crown prince, Fíli.”

“Believe it or not, Adrina, I am aware of that.”

“Your uncle has barely been able to push off marriage as it is because of you. The Council of Lords won't accept two kings in a row deciding to never marry. You need to marry a dwarf.”

Like her, Fíli wants to ask, but he doesn’t. He was well aware that Adrian’s parents and she herself rather hoped Adrina would become his One and eventual queen. 

“I’m only forty-five and I’m only making a present for my best friend’s birthday. If anyone reads anything into it, it’s their problem. Not mine or hers.”

“Fíli—”

“Good day, Adrina.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank EccentricRage for writing such an amazing comment last chapter because now I’ve written another one (a really long one at that). 
> 
> Ro – 35 (looks 17)  
> Kíli – 45 (looks 21)  
> Fíli – 50 (looks about 22)

Ro pulled Fíli into the alleyway, yanking him up against her as she pressed her back to the wall. 

“Ro, what are you—”

She pressed a hand to his mouth. “Shh!”

Ro’s hand slid down to his chest as she pulled him closer. Or, at least, tried to. Fíli rested his forearms against the wall just above the sides of her head, trying to maintain some distance. He was close enough, however, for his growing beard to scrape against her temple, sending a slight shiver down her spine—

No. 

She needed to focus. 

She listened as some of the boys from her class called out to her. Ro could even hear their leers. She always stuck out like a sore thumb in class. Whether it was because she wasn’t a dwarf or her da was the head guard (people thought her mum was Lady Dís’ lady-maid—the idiots) or because she was friends with the princes. Lately some of the boys had been taking an unnerving interest in her calling her exotic and siting that her mum had been promiscuous like her own amad so why wouldn’t Ro enjoy their stupid advances. 

As their shouts grew distant, Ro’s hold on Fíli loosened, but, surprisingly, he didn’t move. 

“Ro, what’s going on?” He moved then, but only enough so that he could actually look down at her. 

“Some boys in my class were getting annoying so I ran.” Not a total lie. One of the boys named Nar had flipped Ro’s skirt and had gotten a little pissed when Ro flipped him off. “I pulled you along because they would have asked you where I was.” Not a total lie either. She just didn’t want Fíli to feel like he needed to protect her. 

Ro was now becoming very much aware of how awkward this position was. Fíli was still pressed against her and the only part of him not touching her were his arms and head. Then again, this wasn’t the first time she had found herself pressed against him. Fíli always had that sort of effect on her. She felt safe like this. It probably had to do with their childhood and Ro always taking a nap in his bed whenever she needed to stay over with his family while her mum and da worked. Fíli always smelled of a warm fire and metal and leather. It was comforting. Like home in some weird way. 

She desperately hoped she wasn’t blushing as his blue eyes searched hers for answers. She dreamed about those eye—

Nope. 

She wasn’t going there now. 

“If they’re bothering you, you could always tell me, you know.” Fíli leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers.

They were technically family since her da and his amad were distant cousins, so this gesture wasn’t all that… it wasn’t a strange gesture between them. She rarely did it with anyone but her parents and uncles because she was so ridiculously shorter than the rest of the Durins. But this felt… intimate.

Ro closed her eyes. “I know.” She smiled. “But I’d rather not have to explain to Master Óin about why one of my classmates had a bruised rib.”

Fíli chuckled and he pressed his forehead more gently against hers and their noses brushed together slightly before he rested his chin on the top of her head. He and Kíli both had a habit of doing that and Ro found it mildly annoying. She was short. She got it, she didn’t need it pointed out to her all the time. 

“It happened one time.”

Ro giggled. “Yeah. This is why people are already calling you the ‘Lion Prince,’ you clothead.”

“Clothead?”

“It’s my new insult.”

“I’ll remember it next time I have to insult someone in court.” He pushed himself away and Ro suddenly felt very cold. She wanted to reach out for him but quickly decided not to. “I should probably walk you home. Nori would figure out some way to dispose of me if I didn’t. My amad would probably help her.”

“No they wouldn’t. That would mean Kíli would have to be the next king.” The two of them gave an exaggerated shudder and laughed. 

“My lady,” Fíli gave a mock bow and held out his arm.

Ro gave a mock curtsy. “My prince.”

He smirked up at her and she smirked back, but took his arm anyway. It was only because she was so short and could easily be pushed around in the market crowd. But a small (or rather large) part of Ro knew that wasn’t true. 

***

She was annoying, but Kíli couldn’t deny that Adrina was a good looking dam. She had eyes like sapphires and hair the color leaning towards mithril than rose quartz. She also had quite the figure. Kíli was well aware of how jealous boys around his and Fíli’s age were over the fact that Adrina spent time with them. 

If only she had the personality to match it. 

Kíli wasn’t as foolish as most of their peers seemed to think him. He was carefree, not an idiot. 

Adrina was smart and Kíli had no doubt she would be a great advisor, just not the head one, and she was smart in the politics of the mountain. She talked about the alliances with the men of Dale and bettering trade with the Iron Hills when they returned to Erebor. Fíli brought up they should work on their current trades with the hobbits (which was going really well, the mountain hadn’t been this well fed even before the fall of Erebor and Ered Luin had only been a sparse colony) and that they would no doubt be necessary in helping heal the land around the mountain considering it was no doubt destroyed by dragon fire. 

Adrina had artfully asked Ro, as a “hobbit representative,” what she thought her people could do in Erebor. 

Ro had turned bright red, embarrassed. 

She hadn’t reached her majority yet. She hadn’t visited the Shire since the spring after she first came. “I’m not sure,” Ro replied. 

Kíli reached under the table and took her hand. His calloused thumb rubbed across her smooth skin and she squeezed his hand back tightly. “Apparently healing is one of the hobbits’ gifts. I don’t doubt that they would be helpful after the mountain is taken. I’ve seen Ro heal burnt flesh to look almost as good as new in a matter of hours.”

Thorin had burned his hand when they were all still really small. It had been an accident trying to protect Kíli while he had been messing around in the forge. The smell had been horrible and Kíli had broken down into tears while Thorin continued to try and calm him down asking if he was okay. 

Óin had come and started to wrap the wound. Ro, who had been staying with them that day had tears in her eyes and asked if she could kiss it better. Not really thinking she would be able to heal something that severe, Thorin had allowed it. He always had a slight soft spot for Ro, but that might have been because she was a girl or because she was the reason Dwalin, his best friend, had gotten the courage to ask his One to be his wife. 

Ro kissed the palm of his hand and they thought nothing of it until about ten minutes later she asked to kiss it again. They let her and the process continued for almost an hour and a half. By the last kiss, the hand looked almost like new save for the slight toughness of the healed skin. 

“She’ll be my head healer, that for sure,” Fíli gave Ro a warm smile and Ro smiled back, squeezing Kíli’s hand as well. 

For some reason the image of Ro pressing a chaste kiss to Fíli’s broke lip when they were children came to Kíli’s mind and he couldn’t understand why he felt something twist sharply in his chest. 

***

Fíli winced as he saw Ro go down in the training hall. Because of her height, it was downright painful to watch her go against dwarrow her own age. They were almost a head taller than her and she looked like a child next to most of them, although she had stopped really looking like a child almost a decade ago.

Ro popped rolled and popped back up, bouncing on the balls of her large feet. Rarely did she ever wear shoes save for maybe during the winter, but even that was only when she was going outside and they weren’t even actual boots. She mainly did it because his amad would worry she would get frostbite. 

She held her dagger—the one he had made for her birthday four years ago—and carefully circled her opponent. He had been rather proud of that dagger. The white metal blade was engraved with the word ‘thatrme’ along it. The rosewood hilt was inlaid with rose gold to better strengthen it and add more of a grip to it. At the moment, she used it as a distraction for her fist to connect with her opponent’s arm. He barely reacted but it was still impact. 

The two continued to spar. 

Nar was a good fighter. Some people were even saying that he just might become Dwalin’s successor, even though he was Ro’s age. He was cunning and Fíli didn’t doubt he would be willing to make a less than honorable decision if it meant ending a battle sooner. Ro didn’t seem to like him though, so Fíli withheld the thought of Nar becoming his head guard. She would be one of the people under his protection in the royal wing after all. 

The fight ended and the two bowed and crossed to their separate ways. Ro seemed to stiffen as he passed her by. She said his name and he turned and suddenly her foot connected to his groin. Fíli shifted and he noticed plenty of the other males present did the same, trying to cover themselves. It was an unspoken rule that you didn’t go for such cheap shots in training. 

“Rosalin!” Dwalin barked. The hobbit flinched only slightly and most likely due to the volume rather than the tone. She went over to her father and the two of them talked quietly for a few moments. “Nar,” Dwalin turned to the other dwarf. “Fifty laps.” Nar scowled, but did as he was told. “Ro, you’re stuck on healing duty for the rest of the week.” 

Ro opened her mouth to protest, but shut it when her father gave her a look similar to the one Thorin gave his nephews when they were going to lose an argument. “Yes, sir.”

She left to go up to the steps where a few dwarrow were focused on the next match. She smiled when she saw him and sat down next to him. Normally, Kíli would be with him, but some Dúnedain Rangers were passing through and Kíli had managed to convince one of them to teach him some more about the bow and arrow.

“What was that about?” Fíli asked, leaning back, steadying himself with his hands against the edge of the stone step. 

“He slapped my butt.”

The stone under Fíli’s hand cracked slightly. “He what?”

“It’s not like it’s the first time he’s done something that stupid.” She didn’t seem to notice what had happened to the rock near his hands. “Usually he just flips my skirt or tugs on it when I’m wearing one, at least. He doesn’t really bother me when I wear pants.”

Fíli saw red. He began to stand when Ro’s hand shot out and held him by the wrist. He looked down at her and saw that she wasn’t looking up. Fíli unclenched his fists and Ro’s hand slid into his. The prince slowly sat back down and tilted forward so he could see her face. 

She was embarrassed. 

“Ro, you're not the one at fault.”

“He doesn’t do it to anyone else. None of them do.” Fíli would definitely be finding out who ‘them’ was. “It’s only to me.”

Fíli squeezed Ro’s hand. “Boys are stupid. You do know that, right?” That got her to smile. “I’ll have a very firm discussion with Nar as I’m sure your da will.”

“I’m not your responsibility, Fíli.”

What if he wanted her to be though? He blinked that thought away. 

“You’re my friend, Ro. You’re my best friend. Even if I wasn’t going to be king someday, I will always look out for you.” Fíli’s thumb dragged across the back of her hand. “If he bothers you again, I want you to tell me. No dwarf should treat a dam like that.”

“I’m not a dam, though,” she said quietly. 

“You are to me.” Without thinking, Fíli raised Ro’s hand to his lips and pressed them against her knuckles. He then held it against his lap. “You’re one of us, Ro.” He smiled down at her and pressed his brow briefly against hers before pulling back. “Whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with us.”

Ro smiled up at him. 

And, for the first time, Fíli understood how the elves could find themselves lost for centuries in them. He could understand why poets wrote of them in such wonder. He could see it in her grey eyes—the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thatrme – my star


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ro – 40 (looks 20)  
> Kíli – 50 (looks 22)  
> Fíli – 55 (looks about 23)
> 
> (Crap this chapter is almost 4k words long!!)

Ro was practically vibrating with excitement. She had finally reached her majority. Her da had been rather reluctant for her to reach her majority twenty years before the dwarrow her age, but her mum had insisted that they follow the hobbit tradition for this. “Besides,” her mum had said, “this way she can begin her training and when she reaches a dwarven majority, she’ll be here with us.” Ro’s dad begrudgingly agreed. 

There was going to be a ball held in her honor. A few of her hobbit relatives were staying in the mountain and, in two days, Ro would be heading to the Shire to begin her training in the art of healing. She was thrilled. 

But she was also nervous. Fíli had assured her that everything was going to be fine. She would dance with her da, her uncles, Thorin, himself, and Kíli. She wouldn’t have to dance with anyone else if she didn’t want to. 

Ro wandered out to the balcony that looked over the valley of the mountain. She looked up the the dimming sky where the stars were just beginning to appear and she wondered what the stars would look like in the Shire. Ro’s hand wandered to the necklace Kíli had made for her a few years back. It was a silver necklace with a large pendant that rested at the center of her chest. The pendant was carved out of the obsidian-like stone that held the flecks star quartz. In the morning, it just looked like a dark stone, but at night, the quartz shimmered like stars. In the current light, the quartz twinkled slightly. 

Ro sighed. She was going to miss a lot of things about Ered Luin while she was gone. She smiled. Oh, Fíli would have a heart attack if he saw what she was about to do. 

Slowly, Ro stood up on the very wide ledge of the balcony. It had been carved that way so it would be hard for anyone to fall but it also meant there was plenty of room to walk across it. Holding out her arms, Ro began to dance across the stars. Soon she would have to get ready, but for now she felt as though she were in another world. 

“Ro,” a bark came from the entryway and she turned to see Kíli rushing towards her. He stood just below her. “What are you doing?”

“Being a child for just a moment longer.” Ro began to hum a little tune she had been thinking up and continued to dance, although with smaller steps now. 

“You are a child,” Kíli grumbled, rolling his eyes. He opened his arms to her. “Down please.” Ro giggled and jumped down into his open arms. “Oof.” He held her weight for a moment, finding his balance, before setting her down. “Your mum and my amad are going to start wondering where you are. You should probably go and get ready.”

Ro beamed up at him and he smiled back. “You’ll save a dance for me?”

Kíli chuckled. “You’re the birthday girl. You need to save a dance for me.”

Ro laughed and rushed off to Lady Dís’ quartets where her mother would be as well. The two dams were waiting and her mum showered her with kisses when she came in. 

“I remember when you were no bigger than my forearm,” her mum said, her eyes glistened with unshed tears. Ro didn’t think her mum would cry tonight, but she was certain her da would. He was always a little more emotional for these sorts of things. At least in public. “Now you’re a dam grown.”

Ro smiled and wrapped her arms around her mother’s waist. She tilted her chin up and looked into her mum’s eyes. “I’ll always be your little pebble though.”

Her mum pressed her forehead to Ro’s. “That you will, hôfukel.” She pressed a kiss to Ro’s nose. “Now, it’s time to get dressed. Your Uncle Dori worked really hard on it.”

Ro beamed. Her family had been very hush hush about what her dress would look like and it was going to be a surprise for her as it would be for anyone besides Lady Dís, her mum, and her oldest uncle. 

“Close your eyes, dear,” Dís said, “and we’ll get you ready and tell you when to open them. Okay?”

Ro nodded quickly and closed her eyes. 

Her mum and Lady Dís helped her undress and cleaned her off. Then, she felt them begin to dress her in her ball clothes. After they seemed satisfied with her dress, her mum began to style her hair—she was old enough to have a more elaborate braid—and Lady Dís began to paint her face with the lightest blush, lines to accent her eyes, and a gentle color to her lips. 

“Are you ready?” her mum asked. 

Ro nodded. 

“Open,” Lady Dís said gently. 

Ro opened her eyes and gaped at her reflection before closing her mouth quickly. 

Her hair was styled in a similarly to Lady Dís. It was pulled back into a warrior’s braid, a very feminine version of her father’s old hair style, with her family’s braid and her craft braid loose. Her grey eyes seemed to pop against the slight shadow and liner that framed them. Her cheeks were a pretty shade of pink and they highlighted her higher cheekbones, something she knew plenty of dams in her class were jealous of. Her lips were a rosey red that almost appeared natural, but it gave her a grown up, but youthful, appearance. 

Her dress. 

Her dress was exquisite. 

The dress was a beautiful Durin blue with gold trim on the skirt that echoed her da’s regalia when he had to attend functions as a Durin rather than as a guard. Her bodice fit snugly against her chest and had a square-cut neckline. Kíli’s pendent was framed by golden embroidery of an oak tree with its roots reaching down the front of her skirt. Her sleeves were puffed up, but wrapped around her upper arms and then her forearms. 

She felt beautiful. 

To turned to the two dams who had influenced her life from the time she was a little girl and flung her arms around them. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

The two dams hugged her tightly. Her mum because her baby girl was finally all grown up. Lady Dís because Ro had been like the daughter she had always dreamed of having.

“Let’s go get your da so he can escort you to the ball,” her mum wiped a single tear from her own cheek. “Hopefully he won’t see you and decided you should come of age in another fifty years.”

Ro giggled. 

“I’ll go down to the ball and meet you with the rest of the Durins,” Lady Dís said, pressing her forehead briefly against Ro’s. “When they see you, they won’t know what hit them.”

***

The ball was in full swing. Kíli watched as Ro danced with her da amongst the crowd of other dancers. She looked pretty. Really pretty actually. She looked happy too. He knew she had been a little nervous about going to the Shire, but Kíli and Fíli both had promised to try and visit. Besides, it was only five years. It wasn’t as though she were going to be gone for a decade. 

Kíli tapped his foot along with the music. He wasn’t much of a dancer, if he were to be honest. He preferred playing the music and singing, but he had to be in prince mode at the moment. Once he actually danced with Ro, his duties would be over and he could just be her friend again instead. Or an annoying older brother. He wasn’t quite sure what he was if he were to continue to be honest. 

“Would you like to dance, Prince Kíli?” An, a dam from Kíli’s class, was standing next to him. She was blushing furiously and Kíli could see some of her friends nearby giving her encouraging smiles but were trying to be very subtle about it. 

An was a pretty dam, nowhere near as pretty as Adrina, but there was a sort of sweet beauty that made Kíli smile. Her hair was the color of copper and her eyes were a bright bluish-green. She was a sweet dam too. She always caught Kíli’s eye when he was in class. Other dams did too, but An most simply because she was actually nice and seemed open to the world outside the mountain. 

She and Ro were both training under Óin. Ro said she was nice enough, but Ro had always preferred to befriend boys than she had girls. That was probably his, Fíli, and Ori’s fault. 

“I would love to,” Kíli replied. “Although I should warn you I’m not really good at it.”

“I’m not either,” An admitted. 

Mahal, was she pretty. “So lets be not good at it together,” he smiled cheekily. 

An blushed and took Kíli’s hand as he led them out to the dance floor. He put his hand on An’s waist and she put her hand on his shoulder as the two began to dance. 

“It must be sad to see your friend leave the mountain for five years,” An said, trying to start a conversation.

“It’ll be a little quieter around here, that’s for sure,” Kíli laughed. “Now if I need something healed without my amad or uncle knowing I have nowhere to go.”

An blushed. “I…”

“Hm?”

“I could help you?”

Kíli glanced down at her. She wasn’t looking up at him, but he could see her flushing. He vaguely wondered how far down it went. 

“Would you?”

He was very much aware of the fact that An healing him would be very different from Ro healing him. Ro, after all, had seen him streaking around the house plenty of times when they were pebbles and, because he went to her for healing, she had seen him shirtless plenty of times. She didn’t really react to his physical form except for maybe a click of the tongue because she couldn’t believe he had bruised his pecs by his bowstring snapping and whipping him across the chest. 

An, however, hadn’t grown immune to him like Ro had with him and Fíli. Kíli could actually imagine An turning a pretty shade of pink if he did half the stupid things he did around Ro. 

“I would be honored,” An glanced up at him briefly before looking down again. “I know I wouldn’t be as good as Rosalin.”

Kíli felt a slight tingle in his shoulder. “Well, when Ro heals, she doesn’t leave scars. It’s the one downside of her abilities. I imagine I’d be rather ruggedly handsome if I had gone to Óin or another healer.”

“You are rather rugged without them,” An said. She looked up at him and her eyes widened when she saw Kíli’s shock. “That’s not—I didn’t mean—”

“It’s fine. I know my nickname is the Wolf Prince.”

She giggled and Kíli found it a rather pretty sound. “That’s because you were able to hunt a direwolf.”

“Sure,” Kíli grinned. “That’s why.” An blushed again. He should probably let her get some fresh air. “Would you like to step out a bit to get some fresh air?”

She nodded and Kíli lead her off the dance floor and out into the cold air of the balcony. Although the balcony could fit plenty of people, everyone was inside enjoying the celebration. It wasn’t often that a girl of the Line of Durin celebrated reaching her majority. It also helped that she was the famous hobbit of Ered Luin. Everyone knew who she was just as they knew who Kíli and Fíli, their amad, and their uncle were. 

“It was getting rather hot in there,” Kíli said. 

An nodded in agreement. They walked out to the ledge of the balcony and leaned against it. He had almost had a heart attack when he had seen Ro up here, although part of him wanted to jump up right along with her. But he decided them both dying from falling off the mountain would be a stupid way to go. It was strange how that had only been a few hours ago. 

“So, why did you approach me?” Kíli asked. 

An glanced up at him and then back out to the valley. “I had been wanting to for a while, but I didn’t have the courage to. You’re always around Adrina too.”

Kíli scoffed. “She’s interested in Fíli.” He felt a little bitter about that. “Besides, her personality is horrible.”

An giggled at that. “You don’t think she’s pretty?”

“Oh, she is. She’s just not my type.”

Their arms brushed up against each other’s. “What is your type?”

Kíli had to think about it for a moment. “Reddish hair and bright eyes with a heart of mithril.” He glanced down. Well, her blush went down her neck, that’s for sure. “I’m glad you asked me to dance.”

“Me too.”

Kíli leaned down slightly. His lips were a whisper away from hers. 

“Kíli!” The brunet prince closed his eyes at Balin’s voice. “You’re needed.”

“We can continue this later,” he told An. “Duty calls.”

He led her back inside and made his way to Ro. She was beaming up at him with her bright silver eyes. 

***

Fíli watched as Ro and his brother danced. The two of them were grinning at each other and Kíli said something to make Ro laugh, causing her to miss a step and her foot landed on his. He could see Kíli snorting and Ro apologizing while trying to retain a straight face. 

He had luckily been able to avoid Adrina for the ball. Since he was the crown prince, he had to ask dams to dance, not the other way around. He had plans to dance with Ro and his mother and that was it. He didn’t mind dancing, he actually enjoyed it. He just knew that politics would always be involved in everything he did and he’d rather people not make assumptions about the inner workings of his heart and mind. 

“They’re a good pair.” Fíli almost jumped at his uncle’s voice. Thorin was watching Ro and Kíli carefully. “They balance each other well.”

Fíli glanced at them and felt his stomach knot. They did look nice together. Kíli dipped Ro and she laughed happily and smacked his shoulder playfully. He brought her back up and they continued their dance. 

“She might be his One too.”

Fíli felt as though a dagger was twisted into his gut. “Too?”

Thorin looked down at him with his Durin blue eyes. “You know the purpose of Ones don’t you?”

Fíli turned back to Ro. “When Mahal created the Seven Fathers of our race they were alone. When they were allowed to awaken and roam Arda, they wished to find companionship. Mahal told them that, one day, they would find the One for them in their own time. It is not as instant as the elven folk though. Our Ones are forged in the relationship we build with them. It doesn’t just happen to us. We build it slowly over the years, stone by stone, until our hearts are ready to find their home in someone else. It’s strong and lasts the tests of time.”

Thorin nodded. “But.”

“Everyone has a choice.” His heart sank a little when he saw lift Ro and spin her around. “Just because someone is your One, doesn’t mean you are theirs. They can be someone else’s too.”

Thorin was silent for a moment. “When your uncle Frerin and I were growing up, we had a friend, a dam named Bri. She was Nori’s cousin actually.” Fíli looked up at his uncle. He had never heard of Bri before. “She was a lot like Ro, in truth. She was a carefree girl that dreamed of the world beyond the mountain. Even after the fall of Erebor, she dreamed of the world beyond our wandering and then these halls. As the years went by, I realized she was my One.”

Fíli blinked. “Then why—”

“She was Frerin’s as well.”

Fíli’s heart dropped in his stomach. “It isn’t all that strange for something like that to happen. Rare. But not impossible. Brothers tend to grow up around the same people and have similar tastes.”

“What happened?”

“Bri was never meant to be queen.” Thorin’s eyes grew distant. “She had dreams bigger than this mountain and I would have given anything to allow her that freedom. Frerin could give her that freedom. I stepped back, telling neither of them what my feelings were and was content to let them be free together. They married soon after Bri reached her majority.”

“Why haven’t we met—”

“She died in Azanulbizar with Frerin at her side.” Thorin’s voice was tight. “I hadn’t wanted her to go, but Frerin said it wasn’t his decision to make and Bri wished to gain our people a proper home.” He paused. “I buried my grandfather, my brother, and my One that day.”

Fíli hadn’t known any of this. “Don’t you regret it?”

“I regret that I couldn’t protect them and that they hadn’t been able to truly have their lives together.” Thorin turned to him. “Being a king means putting others before yourself. Ro is a sweet girl with a good heart. If you we were anyone else I would tell you to pursue her.”

“Uncle, I don’t—”

“One day, when I am buried in the halls of our forefathers, you will be king. Your duty will be to our people and your heart will never truly be your own. I would be able to grant you your freedom up until that point. But even now, I know, you feel the weight of the crown you do not yet bare.”

Fíli fell silent. 

“I wish I could have given you that freedom permanently, Fíli. I’m sorry.” Thorin turned his gaze to Ro and Kíli, who were nearing the end of their dance. “If I had been stronger and put my kingdom and my people above my broken heart, perhaps I could have married and had an heir of my own flesh and blood and I could have taken this burden from you.” They were silent for a moment. “I will not order you to make a certain decision. But I advise you to think about Ro’s future. Yours is set in stone. Hers is not.”

They were silent and the dance finished. Kíli brought Ro over to him and bowed. Ro gave a deep curtsy and Fíli returned it with a short bow. He offered his arm and Ro took it. He lead her back to the dance floor and the music began again. 

Fíli put his hand on Ro’s waist and she put her hand on his shoulder and they began. The music swept them up into its embrace. They seemed to spin between the notes that trickled in like moonlight. The pendent Kíli had made for her twinkled like starlight. Subconsciously, Fíli pulled her closer. 

Ro smiled up at him, here eyes bright with mirth. For a moment, Fíli could forget about his uncle’s words. In that moment it was only him and Ro. 

Mahal. 

He loved her. 

His heart sped up with the tempo of the music. 

He loved her. 

He probably had since they were children.

“Fíli?”

“Hm?”

She smiled at him. “What are you thinking? You look as though you forgot something very important.”

His uncle’s warnings and advice flooded his mind. 

Mahal, had he been courting her this entire time?

His stomach churned. “It isn’t anything that can’t be thought of tomorrow,” he answered softly. “Ro?”

“Hm?”

“What’s your dream?”

She tilted her head and thought for a moment as they waltzed around the room. “I suppose they are very normal dreams. I want to get married someday and have a family of my own. Little pebbles with scraped knees and toothy grins. I want to be a healer and take over Master Óin’s practice. I want to see the world beyond the mountains.”

“You deserve that chance.” If she were to be queen, if she were to begin training for such a thing, would she be able to do the last two dreams. His own mother, although not a queen, held all the duties of one. She was confined to the mountain and its politics. “You’ll see all of Arda someday.”

Ro laughed. She squeezed his shoulder and hand, pulling herself closer to him. “Perhaps we can see it when we retake Erebor? Or I could be your diplomat to the elven kingdoms. Can’t let your dwarven pride get tarnished.”

On instinct, at her closeness, Fíli dropped his head slightly so his forehead hovered over hers. He stopped himself from pressing against her so publicly. He shouldn’t feel so comfortable doing so in the first place. It was too intimate. In fact, how they were now was too intimate. A tight feeling began to form just below his stomach. 

“What did you and Kíli talk about?” He asked trying to push the feeling and the thoughts that came with it away. 

“Hm?” Ro tilted her face upward and his nose brushed against his before he pulled back. “Oh. We were talking about how much food I was probably going to eat while I’m there. He also said to be careful of the lads because they’ve never met a proper dam before.” She laughed. “He said he didn’t want to have to come down there and protect my honor. He then told me he’d write often.”

Thorin’s words that it wasn’t uncommon for brothers to have the same One. Kíli had always been able to spend more time with her than Fíli had been. What if… what if…

“Fíli?”

“Hm?”

“Is something wrong?”

“No,” he lied. He glanced away. “I just noticed that your Uncle Dori found Ori drinking some alcohol.” He turned her just so she could see and she laughed loudly. She pressed her face into his chest to smother her laughter and he felt it vibrate through his chest. Fíli was certain his heart was about to burst. “You–You were saying?”

Her laugh turned into giggles and she pulled away only slightly. “I asked if you would write me too.”

Fíli needed to put a distance between them, he decided. When she came back in five years, he could not touch her so easily anymore. If he did, he wasn’t sure he would be able to stop himself from throwing everything away just to be by her side. “I’ll try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hôfukel – joy of all joys
> 
> Alright, next chapter Ro will be in the Shire and the boys will be on their own. What will happen?!
> 
> Originally I planned on Thorin advising Fíli when the prince reached his own majority, but I decided it would make more sense if Thorin did it now instead of later.  
> Also, for those who read my “Family of Choice” fic, you know where Thorin’s One got her name. 😉


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ro – 41 (looks 20)  
> Kíli – 51 (looks 22)  
> Fíli – 56 (looks about 24)

After spending a year with the hobbits, Ro still wasn’t fully used to them. They were so different from the dwarrow. Where the dwarrow were hard and structured in their day to day life, the hobbits were soft and free about their own schedules. True, they had jobs, but there seemed to be no real worries. Her hobbit relatives were kind and understanding of her need to be active, even though she was from a family of leisure. At first her morning practice with her dagger garnered some curious looks, but eventually they all accepted it as normal. 

“Is it true you were adopted by a king?” Lobelia asked her during afternoon tea. Ro wasn’t comfortable with the seven-meals-a-day thing, but she rather liked afternoon tea. “I heard our uncle talking about it.”

Lobelia Bracegirdle was a cousin on the Took side of Ro’s family. The two girls hadn’t gotten along initially due to Lobelia disliking Ro’s rough nature, but after awhile, the two found a sort of kinship and found themselves to be the best of friends. 

“My da’s the head of the king's guard and a distant cousin of the king of the dwarrow. That’s it though.” Ro set her tea down. “And Thorin is technically only a king-in-exile. He doesn’t want to be crowned until he regains the mountain of Erebor again.”

“Wow,” Lobelia gaped for a moment before shutting her jaw. “Then who is writing to you? Besides your parents, of course.”

“Lady Dís, the king’s sister, writes to me and then her two sons as well as my uncles.”

“The princes write to you!” Lobelia sighed. “How romantic.” Ro blushed. The brunette hobbit smirked. “I’ve seen that look before, but not on you. Do tell. Is there a particular prince who’s caught your fancy?”

“It’s nothing like that. We’re only friends.” Ro’s heart twisted in her chest a little. “Kíli writes to me the most often.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s usually over the silliest things, but it’s nice to hear about the goings on back home. He usually sends a crude drawing of someone in the family. They’re quite funny and rather badly drawn.” Ro smiled. 

“And the other?”

Ro chewed her lip. Fíli had been so strange, so reserved, so withdrawn at her birthday party and the few days that followed after before she left. Ro couldn’t understand it. Had she done something wrong? Had she… had she misunderstood?

“He’s the crown prince so he’s busier. He doesn’t write to me as often.” His letters were more formal too. They read as though they could be written to anyone. 

“Is he the one you’re thinking about when Granny reprimands you in class for not paying attention?” Lobelia asked. She wasn’t smirking anymore, but looked concerned. She reached out and took Ro’s hand in hers. 

“He isn’t… He isn’t the only one I think of.” Ro blushed. “I think of all of them. They’ve been my family for over thirty years. I don’t even properly remember Belladonna and Bungo. I just… I just think of him more… Sometimes.”

Lobelia squeezed Ro’s hand. “Maybe he just isn’t sure what to write. You’re really beautiful. He’s probably afraid of looking like an idiot in his letters. You should hear some of the lads in town talking about you. They say you’re a mountain rose that’s bloomed so beautifully. Although most of them usually get so tongue tied when they try to talk to you.”

That was another thing Ro had to get used to. 

She was considered pretty here. 

While her family back home always assured her of how pretty or beautiful she looked (her parents were biased so she never really paid them any mind on that), she was aware of the fact that she wasn’t pretty by dwarven standards. She was too small. She wasn’t sturdy. Her hair too curly. Her ears too pointed. She didn’t have a beard. She wasn’t anything like Adrina (although she didn’t mind THAT). But here, she was considered one of the prettiest dams—lasses—around. 

It was odd. 

“I doubt he cares for me that way.”

She had just misunderstood. She was certain of it. Especially considering his last letter. Where he ended his letter with ‘Respectfully, Fíli’ as opposed to his previous ‘Yours faithfully, Fíli.’

“He might. You never know.” Lobelia smiled encouragingly. “Boys tend to be rather idiotic about these things.”

“I know.” Ro laughed. She glanced outside her window. It was getting late. The sun was making its way down the hills of the Shire. “It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“I remember a statement I read somewhere, from some old book that dates back to the first wife of Durin, one of the first of the dwarrow.”

“What did it say?”

“When you love a Durin, it’s like loving the stars themselves.” Ro turned away from the window. “You don’t expect a sunset to admire you back.”

At this, tears began to stream down Ro’s cheeks. Lobelia leapt from her seat and made her way around the table and envelopes her younger cousin in a hug. Ro buried her face in her hands and, for the first time in years, allowed herself to cry. 

***

Kíli pulled his bowstring back and waited. He held his breath and then release it as his arrow soared through the air and landed on the dead center of the target. He smirked. 

He had gotten better at archery in the past year. Soon enough he might even be allowed to wear master beads for it. He had written to Ro about it and she had written back with a gift of feathers she had been able to collect. They were a deep blue, almost a Durin blue. 

Thinking of Ro, he frowned. 

He missed her dearly, but he had written to her almost bi-weekly so it felt like it were only yesterday that she had left as opposed to a year ago. Without her though, the mountain had become slow and almost monotonous. It didn’t help that Thorin had begun to travel again since Kíli and Fíli were old enough to not need his constant supervision and Fíli was four years away from his majority. 

He wished Ro would come back sooner than initially planned. Although, she sounded like she was enjoying her time in the Shire. Her Took cousins sounded hilarious. 

“Nice shot, Kíli!”

He turned and saw An coming up to him. Kíli turned and gave a mocking bow. “I’m glad the lady approves.”

An rolled her eyes, but still blushed. She had gotten better at taking Kíli’s antics. She wasn’t as well versed as Ro was, but it was an improvement. Her confidence had also grown in the past year. She was becoming quite the healer too. 

She pushed his shoulder slightly. “I’m being serious.”

“As am I.” Kíli put his hand over his heart. “Your disbelief wounds me.” The two laughed. “Shall we go to the market?” He offered his arm. 

“I don’t know.” An smiled sweetly. “I was asked to go with a rather rugged prince. I should make sure he doesn’t mind me being escorted by a ragged master archer.”

He smiled. “You think I’ll pass the qualifications?”

“Of course.” An nodded, taking his arm. “You will no doubt make the history books with your skill. I can see it now. Kíli Strongbow will be talked about even in the next three ages.”

“And I’m sure An Goodheart will be mentioned a few times as well.”

An knocked her shoulder against his as they made their way out of the training hall and onto the streets of the mountain. A large festival market had opened and Kíli was eager to see what was available. 

The two walked along and looked through some stalls. An looked at jewelry or pouches for healing powders or fabric. Fíli looked at weaponry and leather. 

“How is Rosalin doing?” An asked. 

“She’s doing well,” Kíli replied. “She misses the mountain though. She made a friend over there, so she says she isn’t terribly lonely.”

“That’s good,” An smiled. “It must be nice to be around people similar to her. I know she always felt like a little bit of an outsider in our healing lessons because of her abilities. It must be nice to be around people who understand it a little better.”

Kíli nodded. She had mentioned it in her letters. Her recent letters had been a little more questioning in what was going on with the mountain. She asked how everyone was doing, specifically Fíli. When Kíli had asked her why she didn’t just ask Fíli in her letters to him, Ro replied that he knew how Fíli didn’t like any of them to worry about him. Kíli couldn’t disagree with that statement. 

An item caught Kíli’s eye as they made their way through the market. It was a red-leather bound book. An almost elvish-like pattern were engraved in a shield-like shape. The top of the engraving was a golden star. Kíli reaches out and touched the cover. It was smooth to the the touch. 

“It’s a good book to write in,” the merchant said. “I can even engrave a name if you’d like.”

“Are you going to buy it, Kíli?” An asked. 

“I think Ro would like it. It would be a good way for her to recount the things she’s learned.”

Kíli bought the book and had the letter R engraved in gold at the bottom of the journal’s cover. He’d send it to Ro with his next letter. 

***

“I cannot stay here,” the woman whispered. She stroked his dark beard and pressed a tender kiss to his lips. She pulled away from him and her starlit eyes shone with tears. “My people cannot stay here. I must go with them.”

“Âzyungel,” his voice was different from what it was usually. Fíli didn’t know this woman, and yet he did. She was… she was… She was important to him. He knew he was important to her too. “You cannot leave me.”

“I must.” She nuzzled her nose against his and Fíli pressed his forehead against hers. He knew this woman. She felt so familiar. He knew her body as he knew his own. She was One with him and he with her. “You have changed, Durin.” She pressed a hand to his heart. “I know you no longer.”

“Völva...” She looked up at him in hope and then her eyes widened as he felt his expression change. He gripped the woman tightly by the arms. “I forbid it. You cannot leave me!” The anger that roared in Fíli’s chest felt like a dragon’s. “You are mine!”

“I was my own before I met you and I can be my own without you!” She cried. “Durin, please! This is madness!”

“Madness?!” Fíli snarled. 

No. No. No. Listen to her, Fíli pleaded although the words would not come out. This was wrong. 

“What you seek is not in the stone!” Völva tried to pull away, sagging against him. “Just as it was not in the stars! Please, Durin. Come back to me!”

“You would have me weak?”

“I would have you be as you were! A dwarf who put his people above all else. There is something down there that should not be reached! I am frightened, Durin!”

The Balrog. Fíli realized. He wanted to scream. Listen to her! Listen to her and she will stay! Flee this place!

“I am no coward! What I am trying to do is worth all the blood we can spend!”

Völva’s lip began to tremble. “You sit here in these vast walls, with a crown upon your head, and yet you are lesser now than you have ever been.”

“Do not speak to me as though I were a lesser dwarf,” he growled. “As if I were still that dwarf you found in the snow all those years ago.”

“Durin—”

“I AM YOUR ONE!” He roared, knocking her to the ground. 

Inside, Fíli broke into helpless sobs. He begged it to stop. He wanted this to stop. 

Völva remained on the floor and looked up at him with her wide eyes, her red hair loosening from its large marriage braid. “You were alway my One,” she whispered. “You used to know that once.” She stood up and made her way back to him. “You cannot see what you have become.”

Listen to her, Fíli screamed. 

Instead, he sneered. “Go.” He turned away from her and went to sit back down upon his throne. He closed his eyes and spoke once more in barely a whisper. “Get out before I kill you.”

Völva looked at him. “Did you ever love me, Durin?” She stepped back down the steps of his throne. “Was it all just a dream? Tell me it wasn’t and I shall wait until the end of my days for you to call on me.”

He opened his blue eyes. “I never loved you,” he growled. “Now get out.”

Tears began to slide down her cheeks as she closed her eyes, the words hitting her as though he had slapped her. Völva turned and continued down the steps.

No! Fíli was screaming again. Come back! He doesn’t mean it! Come back! He always loved you! Come back! Please! If you leave he shall never see you again!

He loves you!

I love you!

Völva come back!

I love you! I love you! I cannot bare it! Come back!

Ro!

Fíli screamed, shooting up in his bed, falling out of it. His heart pounded against his chest like a hammer to the anvil. Sweat drenched his skin and his clothes clung to his body. Tears stung his eyes as curled up into himself. 

He heard footsteps pounding against the floor of the hallway and his bedroom door swung open. His amad rushed to his side and kneeled next to him. 

“Kidhuzurâl, what’s wrong?” She asked softly, reaching out to stroke his hair. 

Fíli threw his arms around his amad’s waist and buried his face in her stomach, unable to end his sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Âzyungel – love of loves  
> Kidhuzurâl – golden one
> 
> Just so you know, Dís calls Kíli “Archrumuhith” which will mean “my little archer”
> 
> And the red book Kíli gets Ro is the same book Bilbo used to write The Hobbit in.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ro – 42 (looks 20)  
> Kíli – 52 (looks 23)  
> Fíli – 57 (looks about 24)

“Granny?” Ro looked to Adamanta Took. The old hobbit had gifts similar to her and was her mentor in this. The woman had insisted that Ro call her granny. Since she hadn’t had one back in Ered Luin, she didn’t mind giving her the title.

“Yes, my dear?”

Ro chewed her lip. She had been living amongst the hobbits for two years and she felt as though she knew almost nothing about them. Every day she seemed to learn something new. Kíli thought it was hilarious when she wrote to him about it. Fíli, as had become his custom, had not responded to her comment at all. “I heard someone talking about the Took fairy blood. What does that mean?”

Adamanta laughed. “Ah. That old legend.” She smiled. “It is believed that one of the first hobbits, a woman whose name has been lost for centuries, fell in love with a fairy during the Wandering Years. You know about that time, yes?”

Ro nodded. The dwarrow has something similar after the fall of Erebor. However, from what Uncle Grim, who was was remarkably like her Uncle Balin, told her in her history lessons, the hobbit wandering period had been a lot longer.

“Well, this woman who is simply called Móðirin in old Hobbitish—it means ‘the Mother’—fell in love with a fairy and she and our people lived with him and his for a period of time. However, the fairy became cruel and Móðirin was made to leave and her people followed. After they left the fairy kingdom, Móðirin learned she was pregnant. When our people found this land, she gave birth to two children. A boy and a girl. They were like any other hobbit children save for their wandering spirits and lust for what was beyond the borders of our lands. Some say it is because they were trying to find their father and his people. Others say it was because they had grown in their mother’s belly as she wandered without her heart to guide her and so they too felt the need to wander. The boy is who the Tooks descend from. He became a leader in his own right and put his family and home before all else. The girl is who the Baggins descend from. While just as adventurous, she was more of a learner. She had inherited her mother’s healing abilities and, when she did travel, it was to further her knowledge for the sake of her gifts.” Adamanta smiled. “I suppose it is why no one bothers with you few peculiarities. You are a Baggins and a Took after all. The fairy blood comes from both sides of your family.” She winked. “The Bagginses have simply gotten over their wanderlust.”

Ro blushed. “I would love to read more about our people’s history. Uncle Grim tells me a lot, but most of his books are in Hobbitish and I can’t read them yet.”

Adamanta smiled. “I have a book of our history that’s been written in Westron, but I think Bungo would have had one as well in his library. I’m certain you will find a copy there. It’s titled ‘Hobbits, a History’ and should have a green cover.”

Ro smiled. “Thank you, Granny.”

“It is no trouble, dear. Now, off you go, I know you have things to do in Bag End. I shall see you tomorrow.”

Ro dipped her head in reply. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Oh, and dear?”

“Hm?”

“I’m certain your parents wouldn’t mind if you went on walks with Caspian Evergreen. He’s a sweet lad.”

Ro felt her face turn a shade very close to a tomato. All she could do was nod and just leave. She cursed Lobelia in her head. She was certain her cousin had said something. Caspian only thought of her as a friend. A friend. A friend. A friend. A friend. The hobbit dam was so lost in thought she ran into the person her thoughts were so focused on.

“Are you alright, Miss Ro?” Caspian asked, grasping her elbow to stop her from stumbling backward.

Ro looks at him and tries very hard to keep a composed expression, but knew she was failing miserably. She looked up at the hobbit who had only just let go of her elbow. He had curly blond hair and warm brown eyes, although in some light they looked almost blue. Today they were brown.

“I’m fine. Just thinking over some of the stuff Granny taught me today.”

Caspian’s lips quirked into a smile. “It must be hard having all that information crammed in your brain.”

Ro nodded, twirling her family braid around her finger. “Yes, but it’s stuff I want to learn, so I suppose it’s my own fault if it’s crammed.” She smiled back at him. “It’s amazing how different my studies are here than they were in Ered Luin.”

“You must miss it.”

People asked her that a lot. “I do. It’s home. Well, it’s not home exactly. I grew up with too many stories of Erebor from my da and older uncles and Thorin to have Ered Luin to truly feel like home. But the mountains have always been were I was meant to be.”

There was a small hint of sadness in his eyes but it disappeared quickly. Ro wondered… No. she had misunderstood before. She wasn’t going to again. And yet…

“Even so. You must miss it. The Shire probably feels rather strange in comparison. Too simple.”

“I don’t know. The Shire is beautiful in its own way.” Ro chews her lip, tugging slightly on her necklace. She’s going to take a chance. No one would fault her for it, right? “I wish I had someone other than Lobelia to show it to me.”

Caspian’s cheeks burned a bright red and Ro thought, perhaps, she wasn’t misunderstanding things. “There’s some time before afternoon tea,” he said, glancing at the sky. “I could… I could show you around some of the places Miss Lobelia isn’t knowledgeable about.”

“I… I wouldn’t mind.”

He coughed nervously into his hand before offering her his other arm. Hesitantly, she took it.

***

Kíli shuddered as the wind seemed to blow straight through him, despite the many layers of clothes he was wearing. He was even wearing wolf fur and he was still freezing. Mahal, could it get any worse?

He hated hunting in the winter. It was necessary, he knew that. But it was so bloody cold. If they could all just survive on whatever was trapped, life for Kíli would be prefect. But no, he was stuck out here in the cold tailing after game that could outrun him easily if they wanted to while hoping nothing bigger than him was hungry enough to try something.

He pulled himself up into his hunting perch and waited.

He hated waiting almost as much as he hated the cold.

He’d had a strange dream the previous night so that was probably why he was feeling weird if not a little cranky.

It had been an out-of-body sort of dream. He was the observer as the events unfolded. Kíli probably could have looked away if he wanted to. But, then again, he hadn’t really wanted to.

It had been winter as it was now. Except, in the dream, the snow wasn’t falling.

Kíli had watched as a dwarf that looked almost like his Uncle Frerin, based on the portrait he’d seen of him, wandered in the snow. He cried out in anguish, asking Mahal why he was created if he was to be alone. His torment made Kíli’s heart ache.

He watched as the dwarf stumbled forward, exhaustion finally catching up to him. Time had seemed to shift in the dream and a woman found the dwarf. She wasn’t a dam. Kíli was certain in that part of his dream. She wasn’t a dam, yet she wasn’t one of the tall folk. She didn’t look quite Hobbitish either—not like he had met many besides Ro.

The woman called out to him asking if he was alright. The dwarf looked up from his place in her lap, where she had cradled his head. Her reddish hair hung loosely and she took his hands and began to breathe on them, hoping to give the dwarf warmth. The dwarf had blinked up at her and all he could do was stare.

It was only then that Kíli looked away and the dream ended. The moment had felt too important. He felt lucky to be allowed to see it, but was glad to be able to look away.

Now, here he was freezing his butt off.

He hated this part of hunting, but at least it allowed him to think.

He was missing Ro more and more as the months went by. Her letters were filled with bits of hobbit history and stories of her and her best friend Lobelia. Kíli had been pleasantly surprised that Ro had managed to make a girl best friend. He wasn’t trying to feel too hurt that he and Fíli had been kicked out of that position.

Thinking of Fíli, Kíli had noticed him withdrawing a little. It wasn’t anything major, but Kíli noticed it. He understood his brother was three years away from his majority and Thorin was out of the mountain and the moment and their mother was helping him learn responsibilities and all, but Kíli felt he was withdrawing.

Ro had stopped asking him about Fíli, so maybe he was talking to her more than before. Kíli wasn’t sure. They had always had this bond Kíli couldn’t really understand so it was possible.

He should just talk to his brother about Ro more often. Kíli wanted to anyway.

With how much Ro seemed to like the Shire, Kíli sometimes feared she would prefer to stay there instead of come back.

As he spots a deer, Kíli pushes the thoughts from his mind. He lifts his bow, aims, then shoots.

***

_Dearest_

No. Fíli crumpled the parchment and tossed it into the fire. He didn’t need his amad or anyone else seeing this—these.

_Dear_

No. He crumpled the sheet and tossed it as well.

_Ro,_

Perfectly natural.

_I can’t be silent any longer._

Fíli bit his lip. Surely this was fine.

_I write to you now because I have been haunted by dreams which I feel are connected to you._

Fíli blushed. No. Better not. He crumpled the paper up and tossed it into the fire.

_Ro,_

_I must tell you something and I am too much of a coward to wait and tell you when you return in three years and tell you this face to face. You have pierced my soul. I am in half agony, half hope. Tell me that I’m not too late, that any feelings you might have for me, that such precious feelings, are not gone forever. My dreams have been plagued of late of a fate in which I never see you again. It has become my greatest fear. Even the fear of letting down my uncle is less agony._

_I know I am not worthy of you. You deserve a man whose future isn’t set in stone. You deserve the freedom I know I will not always be able to give you. You deserve someone like Kíli, who smiles and can make you laugh easily. You deserve someone like Kíli, who doesn’t have to worry about diplomacy or politics. I am not worthy of you, although I wish everyday that I was._

_When we danced at your majority ball, I realized my actions toward you were not proper. I had allowed myself grow content in your presence and to feel at ease at your touch. It was wrong of me to allow myself such things when we had no true understanding of what we had been doing the decade past. I am older than you and I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be so forward when I had made you no promises even though I would rather die than dishonor you._

_Ro, my feelings toward you, being fifteen years older than yourself, have not been honorable. If I were not myself, if I were free to do so, I would go to you this minute and ask you for your hand and your love._

_I have loved you for so long I do not know when it began. I discovered my true feelings for you when we danced and found the feelings to be true and had been true for quite some time._

_I love you, Ro._

_I have since I was a boy, I believe. I have since the moment you first left my side and you first went back to the Shire. I have loved you since you jumped onto my shoulders and directed my movements with my braids. I have loved you since you pulled me into the alleyway and pulled me against you. I have loved you since I poured my heart into your dagger. I have loved you since I pressed your knuckles to my lips and pressed my brow to yours. For all these years I have loved you._

_If I have greatly misread you, tell me so and I shall never speak to you of such matters. If your feelings for me do not go beyond a sisterly affection, I will mold myself into the brother you desire in these next three years that we are parted and become your greatest ally in all that you dream._

_But, if there is a chance that you return my feelings, I will endeavor to become a man worthy of you._

_With all the devotion you deserve,_

_Fíli_

Fíli stared down at the letter. It was his heart, really. He had been able to finally lay his heart bare upon the parchment. Every word of it was true. Every single word. But he could not send it.

He swore and ripped the letter to pieces. He tossed them into the fire and watched as they flitted down like confetti, falling as they burned like falling stars.

“No, wait—”

Fíli rushed to kneel down, trying desperately to grab at the pieces but was only able to grab one that had yet to turn to ash.

 _I love you, Ro._ Is what it said. Fíli laughed bitterly as he stared down at the warm piece of parchment in his hand.

Fíli was a coward. He was a coward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> móðirin – the mother
> 
> See what I did with hobbit history? See what I did? Can anyone guess? Probably, it’s not that hidden save I didn’t say the name. 😉
> 
> I seriously need to just make a story where Caspian gets a happy ending and more word time. He’s probably one of my favorite OCs. 
> 
> Bits of Fíli’s letter were inspired by Captain Wentworth’s letter to Anne, Mr. Darcy’s second proposal, and Pierre’s confession to Natasha after the affair with Anatole comes out. I’m a lit person (pun totally intended) and love making these references.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ro – 43 (looks 20)  
> Kíli – 53 (looks 22)  
> Fíli – 58 (looks about 24)
> 
> There’s some... uh... implied stuff.  
> Yeah... nothing major.

Caspian’s lips caressed hers and Ro couldn’t think coherently at all. He was pressing her against the green door of Bag End. One hand was cradling the back of her neck and the other was gripping her hip. 

“Goodnight,” he breathed as he pulled away. 

“Night.”

He wouldn’t leave until she went inside and so she did. 

Ro and Caspian had been going steady for almost a year. Dating customs in the Shire were so vastly different than the ones in Ered Luin that Ro hadn’t even realized they had begun going steady until Lobelia had asked her about it. That’s when Lobelia had sat her down and explained everything. Oh, Ro knew and understood sex and all those things, but her parents had taught her the dwarven beliefs in it. Dwarves weren’t prudish about it. Not in the least. But she was a daughter in the Line of Durin by adoption. She had to be above some of that. 

Hobbits, apparently, were a little freer about things. Oh, sex outside of marriage was still frowned upon, but experimenting was fine.

Caspian and Ro had experimented a little bit. 

They had gone on walks in the forest only for her to be pinned against a tree as he rutted against her. She had straddled him a few times when they went on picnics. 

They had experimented, but they had never done anything without the confines of their clothes. 

Caspian never pressured her to do anything, but she knew he wanted to do more. Ro wanted to as well… she just wasn’t sure if she wanted to do more with him. 

Mahal, she was a mess. 

Ro went to the study to sort out a few things. Letters mainly. She kept all of the letters she received from Ered Luin. All of them. She even kept the letters she never sent. 

Most of them were to Fíli. The older ones were her asking what she had done wrong. Later ones asked if she had misunderstood and her apologizing for it. Recent ones were her begging to go back to how they were before, begging for him to open up to her again, her telling him how much she missed him. 

Some of them were to Kíli. Older ones were filled with her trying to explain what she feared about with Fíli, her asking if she had done something wrong. Later ones asking more in detail about Fíli, her telling him that she felt like she was being torn apart. Recent ones were her asking him to visit, her asking him to come get her. 

But Kíli was never the one to come find her. It had always been Fíli. And this time, he didn’t seem like he wanted to. 

She had one of her weird dreams that night. 

She was in a body that was not her own. Most of her dreams had been brief glimpses of a life that was not hers. This dream was longer, clearer. She wasn’t wandering like in her other ones. 

In her dream that night, Ro found herself in bed. She felt so tired. So very tired. She was surrounded by hobbits, although two of them didn’t look quite like hobbits. Ro felt lonely. She was in a room full of people and yet she felt lonely. 

“Mother,” the woman who didn’t look quite like a hobbit tried to say something, but began crying. 

Ro’s heart broke for the woman. 

“He’s coming for me.” The voice wasn’t Ro’s, but it came from her mouth. 

The two who didn’t like hobbits glanced at each other. “We know, mother. We know.”

“He loved me, you know.” Flashes of something flickered in Ro’s mind. A dwarf moved above her—inside her. His voice was rough as he whispered his adoration, his love. She cried out hers in return. “He loved me more than the stars.”

“We know.” Oh, they were her children. “We know.”

“Durin…” 

She saw the dwarf again. She saw him smiling at her and she felt like the most important person in the world. He told her they would have a life together. 

“Durin…” 

She saw him pulling away. She saw him look at the gold and the mithril just as he used to look at her. 

Look at me! She wanted to scream. She did scream. Look at me!

“Durin…”

He was above her again. Inside her. But he wasn’t with her. He was silent save for the words of possession. Mine. Mine. Mine.

“Durin…”

She promised she would wait for him. She promised him she would. He would come for her. He would come for them. 

He didn’t. Then she heard that he had taken a new wife—one of dwarven beauty. 

“Durin…”

He never came. He never came. 

“Durin…”

She would wait for him. Always. 

Ro woke up crying. 

***

Kíli was getting sick and tired of Fíli moping. 

He wasn’t the only one who missed Ro. They all did. She had written them all to tell them letters would be sparse for a while on her end. Her studying, apparently, was getting intense. 

She was getting too busy for them. 

A part of him was ticked off because of it. They were her family, her friends. She should be able to make time. The hobbits would understand. The bigger part of him understood that she wasn’t just learning about hobbit healing, she was learning her people’s history too. 

The main reason Kíli was annoyed was because Fíli wouldn’t stop moping. 

Kíli understood why Ro was gone. Why couldn’t Fíli?

Another reason was because the dreams were not going away. They were getting longer too. 

He still felt like he was intruding as he watched the dreams dance before his eyes. That night is was the same. 

The woman, a hobbit of sorts, Kíli was certain, danced along the balcony, a sea of stars glittering behind her. She was singing. 

‘May it be an evening star / Shines down upon you / May it be when darkness falls / Your heart will be true / You walk a lonely road / Oh! How far you are from home’

Her movement was like molten gold. She was singing to the stars themselves. She was singing to the earth. 

‘Darkness has come / Believe and you will find your way / Darkness has fallen / A promise lives within you now’

A dwarf appeared. It was the same dwarf in all the other dreams. He was smiling at her as she danced and sang. She was his, Kíli was certain of it. He didn’t know why it sat wrong with him. 

‘May it be the shadow's call / Will fly away / May it be you journey on / To light the day / When the night is overcome / You may rise to find the sun’

She went to the dwarf and wrapped her arms around him. He pressed his brow against hers and held her tenderly to him. 

‘Darkness has come / Believe and you will find your way / Darkness has fallen / A promise lives within you now / A promise lives within you now’

The dwarf pressed a kiss to her lips. Kíli looked away. 

“Dvarin,” the dwarf called, and Kíli looked up. Oh. The dwarf was talking to him. “I fear I have given you a boring job. My wife, for all her faults, is not mischievous.” The hobbit woman rolled her eyes, but pressed a kiss to her husband’s cheek. 

“It is an honor to serve and protect your most precious treasure, Durin,” the voice came from Kíli, but it was not his own voice. 

Inside, Kíli’s stomach churned. This was Durin? 

“You shouldn’t tease him, love. Dvarin has to put up with so much on my account.” She looked over at him and smiled. 

Kíli’s heart fluttered in his chest. Drat, this Dvarin was in love with Durin’s wife. Drat. Drat. Drat. 

“Pay him no mind, he’s only joking.”

Durin laughed. It was almost like a lion’s. “Indeed I am. I would trust no one but Dvarin to care for you when I am working.” He pressed his brow to the woman’s and Kíli looked away again. “Soon our people will have a place to call a home.”

Kíli woke up, annoyed, and felt a seed of jealousy for a woman he did not know take root. 

***

Fíli was moping.

He was well aware of that fact. 

Ro having to make her letters less frequent was part of the reason for his sulking nature as he carried out his duties as heir. 

His mother smiled at him sadly as though she understood. His uncle did the same. Dwalin told him to perk up or else he’d have to run laps. Nori told him sometimes waiting was all that could be done. Adrina seemed to have a new complaint and a new advance that he brushed off with annoyance. Kíli grew annoyed with him and they snapped at one another frequently. 

But the dreams were becoming more frequent and a few of them made him uncomfortable. This was the main reason for his souring mood. 

The dreams that he dreaded were the ones where he was stretched over Völva as she panted and writhed beneath him. He dreaded it when he had to listen to her moan for Durin, chanting his name like a prayer. He dreaded when her name slipped from his lips while his mind screamed another. 

Fíli always woke before completion and he wasn’t sure what he was angrier at Mahal and Lórien for. He was either angry that these dreams had been given to him in the first place or that he had to wake up and finish them himself in the privacy of his own bathroom. Both were embarrassing. 

He refused to think of Ro in those moments. He refused to think of any girl, even Völva. But most of all, he refused to think of Ro because he refused to disgrace her by relating such… actions with thoughts of her. 

His aim was to finish so he tended to think of things to get things down, so he thought of plenty else. Uncle Thorin in a dress. Dwalin in a dress. Mahal in a dress. Nar’s face bloody from a good punch to the face. 

Those dreams he dreaded. 

But the most recent one filled him with despair. 

He was alone in his bed, not his bed, Durin’s bed. He felt weak and old and alone. Younger dwarrow would visit him occasionally. A young man with dark hair that reminded Fíli’s of Thorin’s before it had begun to sprout grey. A even younger dwarf that looked almost like Kíli but almost like Uncle Frerin. An older dam came to him occasionally. His wife, Fíli realized. Her hair was blond and her eyes were a piercing blue eyes. She sneered at his weakness and, more often than not, left him alone. 

He felt weak, but his mind was clearer than ever. 

“Völva…” 

She was waiting for him. She had told him so when they parted. He had lied to her. How had he been so foolish? How could he ever think gold more important than her? His heart? His starlight? His star?

“Völva…”

Her tears haunted him. The look of absolute heartbreak as he pushed her away haunted him. Her face often merged with the face of another. A girl so much younger. Fíli had pushed her away. Had she wanted to cry to? Was he just imagining it? He wanted to wake up. 

“Völva…”

He could see her as she looked down at him, that first moment that they met. That night when the stars were brighter than anything he had ever seen. Only her eyes outshone them. He could see her as she first pulled him into an embrace. 

“Völva…”

He needed to find her. 

“Völva…”

He needed to find her. 

Everything became black. 

Fíli woke up with tears in his eyes. 

He woke up alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want more Kíli with Fem!Bilbo, check out my new fic “I Wish I’d Done Everything on Earth with You”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ro – 44 (looks 21)  
> Kíli – 54 (looks 23)  
> Fíli – 59 (looks about 24)

“Grandpa,” Ro looked at the old hobbit. He appeared almost dwarvish. He reminded her a bit of Uncle Balin in a way. His beard was thinner though. “I have a question.”

“Ask away, Rose of the World.”

He called her that sometimes. Apparently, her hobbit parents called her that too when she was a baby. She didn’t remember them. As far as she had been concerned growing up, her mum and da had always been her mum and da. She had been about twenty-one when she found out differently. 

Her parents had tried to explain it to her, but all she understood was that she wasn’t theirs and they weren’t hers. She’d run away and actually made it outside the mountain. She’d curled up under a bush and cried. That had been why she was so small. That had been why she looked so different from everyone else. That had been why some of the other pebbles in her class thought she was a freak. 

Running away had been a terrible idea. It was an even worse idea considering it was the middle of winter. 

Fíli had been the one to find her. It had probably been the first time she had ever heard him yell at her. He was livid. This had, of course, only made Ro cry again. That calmed Fíli down and he opened up his winter coat and pulled her to his chest. He closed the coat around her and carried her back to Ered Luin. He had been so warm. Kíli, who had been searching near the same area, found them next. The brunett prince actually started swearing and, for the only time since, Fíli hadn’t gotten after him for it. 

The three of them had gotten the flu and had been forced into a shared bed rest for three days. 

Ro shook herself from the memory. 

“I’ve been having… dreams.”

The Old Took paused in his work. He had been writing a draft for another treaty with the dwarrow and Ro had been helping. Her mum mum and da would be coming to visit to pick it up in a few days time. The old hobbit looked at Ro and she glanced at her feet, a nervous habit she’d picked up somewhere in her childhood. 

“What happens in your dreams?”

She definitely wasn’t going to tell him about the more… intimate… ones. Those had been right embarrassing when they first happened. The flashes of them, Ro was fine with. The longer ones felt painful. Some of them were sweet and Durin made her, Völva, feel as though she were being worshipped. Some of them were violent. Durin’s eyes were clouded over and he would chant ‘mine, mine, mine’ as he rutted into her. He didn’t seem to care about her at all, only the pleasure she could give him. And oh how she had wanted to give him enough pleasure to pull him from whatever madness had taken its hold on him. She’d always wake up before it was over. If she were honest with herself, she was glad that they did. 

“I dream of being another person. She… she’s lonely. She misses her O… Other.” The term was strange in her mouth still. Hobbits didn’t have Ones. They had Others. Where Ones were relationships built stone by stone as the years went by, Others grew and made a bed for themselves in the hobbit’s heart. Others were the home of their hobbit’s heart. 

“Do you see anything else?”

“I see children sometimes. Sometimes I’m pregnant. Sometimes I’m traveling. Sometimes I’m…” Sometimes she’s simply kneeling over a dwarf, with his head in her lap, and her heart swells and she thinks ‘oh, there you are, I’ve been looking for you’ as the snow flutters about them like falling stars. “What does it mean?”

Her grandfather sighed. He turned to her fully and his dark eyes stared into her pale ones. “Do the dwarves have a belief in the reincarnation of the soul?”

Ro nodded. She was an adopted daughter of the Line of Durin. Of course she did. She was raised in the stories of Durin the Deathless and all the Durins after him. She never understood how they all happened to be named Durin. Her Uncle Balin had shrugged and suggested they might have been named that afterwards, their original names lost in time. 

“Some hobbits believe that the soul of Móðirin will be reborn in order to find her fairy husband,” he told her. 

Fairy? Ro thought back to her history lessons. She had to, very forcibly, hold back a snort. Mahal, hobbits think Durin was a fairy. 

“She is supposedly going to be reborn in one of her descendants, like you or me.”

“The Baggins and the Tooks.”

The old hobbit nodded. “Descended from her daughter and son.”

Ro’s mouth opened and then promptly closed. Her eyes widened. 

They were descendants of Durin. 

She was a descendant if Durin. 

“Do you believe in it, Grandpa?”

He sighed. “I believe that the Valar are kind. Móðirin suffered a great deal in her lifetime. She was the first of our people. I’m sure Yavanna would want her to be happy.”

“Do you think,” Ro paused. Durin had been reborn multiple times. If Völva had been reborn in Ro for the sake of finding Durin, wouldn’t she have been reborn before? “Do you think Móðirin has been born before?”

“I’m not sure,” the Old Took said. “I only know that she will have a great destiny regardless.”

Ro nodded. “I have to go back and clean Bag End. My parents will be coming soon.”

“Of course.”

Ro returned home and laid down instead of cleaned. If she was Völva, who was her Durin? He hadn’t come for her, so what if he didn’t want to find her. Besides, Durin had always gotten married in his other lives. If he didn’t, her family wouldn’t be alive. Ro’s stomach churned. What if he didn’t want her?

That night, Ro dreamed of a dream that wasn’t her own. 

She was sitting in a home, an ancient smial of sorts, as two small pebbles, a boy and a girl, played at her feet. They babbled in a strange mixture of Hobbitish and Khuzdul. This part was a memory, what came next was not. She heard a knock to her door and she went up to open it. 

Durin stood before her. He looked half worried, half relieved as he saw her. Tears began to slide down her cheeks and he quickly pulled her to his chest. “I found you,” he whispered, his lips caressed the shell of her ear. “I will always find you.”

Then, he was gone and she was alone. 

A dream within a dream. 

Ro woke up and curled into her knees. Her chest ached.

***

Kíli was desperately trying to figure out who Dvarin was. Dwarrow were notorious in their record keeping, but the life of Durin the Deathless was so limited. It was like there was a huge chunk of his life missing. Kíli knew it to be the chunk that contained Völva. 

Thinking of the hobbit lady made his heart twist. Dvarin’s feelings had been seeping into him occasionally. More specifically, the ancient dwarf’s feelings for Völva were seeping in. 

What had happened to cause the hobbit to leave? His dreams hadn’t told him that yet. His research hadn’t either. Master Balin had been impressed about how much Kíli had taken an interest in their people’s and family’s history. 

An had helped him as well. They had gotten closer in the years that Ro had been gone. An was apparently writing to Ro too. The two of them seemed to write more that Kíli and Fíli and Ro seemed to. It was mainly about healing. They were trading things learned and An was passing them onto Óin as the new practices were passed over. From what An said, she felt like she could call Ro a friend more than a classmate. 

“I have to go back to Óin,” An gave him a brief kiss on the cheek. “Have fun reading.”

“Don’t I always?”

She rolled her eyes and left when he waved her off. 

During his studies, Kíli learned that hobbits were not discovered until the Third Age, at least they didn’t seem to be written about at all until then. Had they isolated themselves? Kíli chewed his lip. What had happened to make their people break apart as they had?

Durin had been in love with Völva, why would he want to forget her, or why would he have allowed her to be forgotten?

That night, when he went to bed, he prayed that Lórien would grant him dreams that actually made sense. 

Perhaps he shouldn’t have. 

The first dream was sparked with the jealousy he had felt after his first dream of Völva. Durin and his wife were dancing. It was an older dance, but some steps seemed to ghost the ones Kíli knew. They danced and Kíli, or rather Dvarin, could watch no longer. He left to get some fresh air. 

“You seem tired, friend.” Kíli turned and saw an elf-looking man approach with two goblets of wine in hand. “I offer you some respite.”

“Thank you, Mairon.” Kíli dipped his head and accepted the goblet. “What brings you here?”

“I’m a Maia of Aulë, it’s my duty to check in on you occasionally.” The being smiled. His blood red hair blew slightly in the wind. “Durin seems to be doing well for himself. I had wondered why Aulë had made him to be alone, but I suppose he wished to his children to merge with his wife’s. I am sure Lady Yavanna is happy as well.”

Kíli glanced back inside. 

Durin and Völva were laughing and a little pebble ran up to them, presenting the hobbit lady and her dwarven husband with crowns of flowers. The two graciously knelt for the child and allows him to place the crowns atop their heads. 

Kíli looked away. 

“I suppose,” Kíli took a drink from his goblet. 

“You don’t seem pleased?”

Why did he feel comfortable talking to this person? He still felt the need to lie though. “I never gave them a proper gift for their wedding,” that felt true. “I had attempted to make something…” he had attempted to make something as beautiful as Völva herself, but it had been impossible. Kíli had seen that dream. “But it wasn’t worthy of… them.”

Mairon thought for a moment. “I could make something in your stead,” he offered. “There is a… technique I have thought of and wish to practice it. I cannot guarantee it will be perfect and you could always reject it if it isn’t to your standards.”

“You trained under Mahal himself. I doubt I would be able to create anything as well as you can.”

The Maia laughed. “I suppose. Do you wish to offer me a commission?”

Kíli, rather Dvarin, imagined the smile Völva would give him when he gave her something beautiful. He imagined she would be moved to tears at such a gesture and might even press a kiss to his cheek. He would be able to live the rest of days on that touch alone. 

“I offer you a commission.”

The dream faded into the next. 

He found Völva crying in her solar. She was sitting in her chair, curled over with her face in her hands. Her body shook with silent sobs. Kíli rushes to her side immediately. 

“My queen, what is wrong?” He knelt before her and saw bruises blooming around her wrists. Anger roared in his chest. “Who has done this to you?”

She looked up at him, her pale eyes were hollow and empty save for despair. She pulled her sleeves down to hide the bruising. “It’s nothing.”

“It isn’t nothing or you would not be crying.” Kíli took her hands in his. “Please, speak to me. I cannot bare to see you like this.”

“You are my greatest friend, Dvarin.” The sentiment hurt him, but he accepted this. “You are Durin’s as well.”

“Of course.”

“Have you not seen the change in him?”

Kíli’s heart stopped. “Did he do this to you?” Rage was boiling in his chest and he was ready to run Durin through. How dare he cause such harm to her person. How dare he make her weep.

“He apologized for it.” Kíli stood. Völva caught his elbow. “No! Please, Dvarin! It is not what you think!”

“He has hurt you! He made a vow before the Valar to protect and love you and he has hurt you!”

Völva wrapped her arms around one of his own to still him. “It is not him. Please, Dvarin, believe me. Something is not right! Something in him has changed.”

“If he is capable of such cruelty, he is not the dwarf we knew. Of course he has changed.” He ripped his arm from her grasp and stormed off to find Durin. 

“Dvarin, please!” Völva called out to him, but he did not listen. 

He stormed to the treasury, that is where Durin had spent his time recently. Kíli rushed to confront his one time friend. How dare he. How dare he!

When he reached the landing of the stairs that lead to the treasury, he paused, looking down in horror at Durin. The dwarf king looked lost yet so very much at home in the masses of gold. At the center was the the gift Mairon had made. It was a jewel he had cut from the mountain itself. He called it the heart of Khazad-dûm itself. Even Kíli could feel it’s pulse. The glossy jewel was embedded in a crown made for Völva for ceremonies since neither she nor Durin cared to wear crowns since their rule was through the love of their shared people, not by the crowns forged by commissions. 

“Dvarin,” Durin was looking at him. “Come, see the wonders of my hoard, my friend. See the riches I have been blessed with.”

His amad had warned him once of this. Dragon sickness. Gold sickness. His amad had warned him. Dread filled his stomach and Kíli felt Völva behind him. She came forward and stood by his side. 

“My love,” Durin called to his wife. “I came from nothing and now I am able to give you everything. You are mine and I shall shower you with gifts even your maker would find jealousy.”

Völva’s eyes filled with tears and she barely managed to glare at the crown Mairon had made for her as though it were to blame. 

Kíli’s eyes widened. 

Mahal. 

What had he done?

Kíli woke up screaming. 

***

Fíli’s eyes snapped open when he heard his brother screaming. He leapt from his bed, sword drawn and rushed to Kíli’s aid. 

Their amad and Thorin were already with him and Fíli found his brother curled into himself, his hands in his hair and Fíli was almost frightened he would tear it out. Their amad was soothing him, rubbing circles in his back while Thorin demanded to know what had happened. 

Fíli and Kíli both knew that Thorin wasn’t actually angry at the moment. He was simply worried and when he got worried, he yelled. That had taken a few times to realize, mainly because he never yelled at Ro when he was worried. That might have been because she was a girl though. 

“It’s my fault. It’s my fault. It’s my fault.” Kíli’s choked out sobs echoed through his room. “It’s -all my fault.”

“Kíli, ghivashith,” their amad whispered. “What’s wrong.” He just shook his head and buried his face in their amad’s lap. The dam looked up to Fíli. “Go make your brother some tea.”

Fíli nodded and headed to the kitchen quickly. What on earth had happened? His worry for his brother guided his steps as he prepared tea. What had happened?

He had never seen his brother this scared in all his life. It was a nightmare, Fíli was certain of that, but what could have possibly caused Kíli to work himself into such a state. 

Fíli brought the tea back to his brother’s room where their amad and Thorin had successfully put Kíli back to bed. His brother, in the minutes Fíli had been gone, had broken down into silent tears. Fíli looked to his uncle for guidance, but Thorin shook his head and motioned for Fíli to return to bed. 

The blond prince nodded and returned to his room. He laid back down to bed and stared up at his ceiling. 

His own dreaming had been silent as of late, as though there was nothing else he needed to know. His last dream had been when he, Durin, was apparently under the effects of gold sickness. The ancient dwarf had been over his hobbit wife, pinning her to their bed so she could not move. She begged that he be gentle and he was not. Fíli’s heart twisted when he heard Durin speak not one word of love, but possession. The ancient dwarf didn’t seem to notice the tears of his beloved, but Fíli had. 

She had grown silent through the encounter and Fíli was glad for it to be over when he awoke. He had had no need to reach a completion because he had felt nothing but rage towards Durin, sorrow for Völva, and a need to find her again and beg for her forgiveness. 

Now his dreams were as they had always been, strange images that meant nothing. He doubted the Valar were telling him that he was going to drown in paperwork or that said paperwork would form a mountain troll and chase him through his study. 

The last dream that was simply a dream had been one where he, as himself, maybe as Durin, had found Völva and was able to take her back in his arms. He heard the laughter of children and his heart had sunk only slightly. That was the life Durin would have wanted. The dream shifted so Völva had become Ro. 

His One had hugged him back, pulling him so close that it felt as though they were going to merge into one. She had felt warm and kind and—oh how cruel his heart and mind were. 

She was not his. 

And if his dreams meant anything, he felt as though he were not worthy of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ghivashith – treasure that is young
> 
> Cookie to anyone who knows who Mairon is. 🍪
> 
> And something EccentricRage made for this fic lol: https://imgflip.com/i/2vgz4e


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ro – 45 (looks 21)  
> Kíli – 55 (looks 23)  
> Fíli – 60 (looks about 25)
> 
> Their ages (at least how they looked) had been off. I fixed it.

Ro and Caspian had long since ended their relationship on good terms. They simply wanted different things. She wanted to return to the mountains and he wished to remain in the Shire. 

“You deserve all of Arda, Ro,” he told her as he pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek. “Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t.”

“You deserve it too, Caspian,” she replied, hugging him tightly. 

He, Ro, and Lobelia simply became the best of friends. They did almost everything together when they weren’t learning their gifts. Caspian was learning to hone his ability to speed the growth of plants and Lobelia worked on her manipulation of water. When they were free to do as they wished, they explored the woods of the Shire and occasionally slept under the stars. 

“Is it strange that you will be going back soon?” Lobelia asked her one afternoon. “I mean, you’ve seen your parents, of course, but everyone has probably changed since you’ve left.”

Ro hummed. “I’m certain not everything has changed. Besides, I’ve written enough and they’ve written enough for me to know what’s been happening in their lives.”

“I just can’t believe you’ve managed to convince your parents to let us come with you,” Caspian said. “We weren’t together when your parents visited, but your da scared me to death.”

Ro laughed. “He’s the head guard. It’s his job to scare people. Besides, it’s only for a short while. I assure you, you’ll be back in the Shire before you know it. It’s just for Fíli’s majority birthday.”

“I can’t believe they reach their majority at sixty.” Lobelia scoffed. “That’s so old!”

“It’s not that old.”

“You’re just biased,” Caspian elbowed her slightly with a chuckle. 

Ro rolled her eyes, but her cheeks flushed slightly. “Shut up.”

Since she and Caspian had gone their separate ways romantically, Ro had been able to gain a trustworthy male perspective on what might have happened with Fíli. 

“You are a good fifteen years younger than him,” Caspian had told her. “By dwarf standards, you’re still a faunt. He probably realized you weren’t a kid anymore once you reached the hobbit majority and realized he shouldn’t treat you the same way. Maybe he liked you, maybe he didn’t. I don’t know the full story. But he cares for you. It’s something he has to deal with on his own.” He shook his head. “I went through something similar when my little sister reached her majority. It’s hard to balance the kid you knew and the adult that’s making a way for themselves in the world.”

That conversation was the whole reason they both thought she was biased. 

“I am not biased.”

Her friends laughed and they made their way to their homes. Ro was dropped off first and she watched as her two friends made their way down the street. She smirked when she saw their hands brushing ever so slightly as they went on their way. Oh, they thought she wouldn’t notice, but she did. It was quite fun watching them try to act as though nothing was happening between them. She would wait for them to tell her in their own time. 

That night, in her smial, she packed for the journey home. Tomorrow, her parents would come for her and she’d finally be able to see everyone again. She wondered how the others had changed. How they had grown. 

Ro turned to look at herself in the mirror. She had changed a little. Her curves had become more defined and there was a slight softness to her features that hadn’t been there before. She still had her muscles, but she looked very non-threatening. Kíli would probably laugh at her for it. Ask if she had gone soft and she would smack him in the arm. She could almost imagine their reunion. 

She couldn’t imagine what it would be like with Fíli, though. 

That night she dreamed once more. 

An elf-like being leaned down to look at her. Ro recognized him. In her heart she felt like screaming. She didn’t know this person. But every fiber of her being screamed at her to flee. He was beautiful. His hair red hair was like the flames of a forge’s fire. His eyes were as bright as pure gold.

And yet, he frightened her. 

“Why are you so different?” He asked her. The being tilted his head and watched her with his golden eyes. He was like a predator deciding if it wished to play with its prey or not. “Why does it hold no appeal to you?” He glanced down at her belly. “Ah.”

Ro’s eyes widened as he reached out to touch her. 

Don’t hurt them! Please don’t hurt them!

“Get away from her!”

Ro looked and saw a blond dwarf rushing towards her. She had seen him in other dreams in passing. She felt he was important to her, but she couldn’t quite place why. Her mind told her to trust him. He would keep her safe. He would keep them safe. 

The dwarf placed himself between Ro and the elf-being. “Leave,” he growled. “You aren’t welcome here.”

The person’s lips twitched into a slow smile. “Is that any way to speak to an old friend?”

“Durin is my friend, not you.”

“And yet your heart betrays him.” His eyes slid to Ro and she pressed herself against her protector’s back. “Such an interesting creature. So small.” His eyes lowered again and Ro put a protective hand over her belly. “So innocent.” He pulled away. “Darkness is coming, little one.” A shudder ran up Ro’s spine. “I apologize for what is to come. It was only ever a means to an end. Your husband has weighed the value of your life and found it worth… nothing.”

“Leave,” the dwarf snarled. 

The person smiled. It was a beautiful, apologetic smile. “How he has hurt you, little one. Shall the ones you protect be corrupted too?”

“Leave!”

The person’s smile widened into a horrible grin, his teeth bared. And then he was gone. 

The dwarf turned to her instantly and Ro’s knees finally gave out. “Völva!” He caught her. “Are you alright?”

“The children…” she whispered. She looked up at him, her heart pounding in her chest. “He knows about the children, Dvarin!”

“The…” He looked down at her belly and paled. “No. No. No.” Dvarin gripped her arms tightly. “You need to leave. You need to leave now.”

Ro’s eyes widened. “But, Durin…”

“Is not the dwarf you fell in love with!” Dvarin’s gaze left her completely and Ro could sense a twisted sense of guilt tremor through his body. “You aren’t safe here. You and your people need to leave. You need to find a place where no one can find you.”

“But—”

“No!” He cupped Ro’s face in his hands. He looked almost like Fíli for a moment. “You need to leave. That… that person… we can’t trust him. Don’t trust him. You need to get yourself and your child or children out of this place and away from his gaze.”

“I can’t leave Durin. He’s my Other. Even as he is now. I made a vow.”

“Völva, please.” The dwarf seemed to think for a moment. “If he were himself, he would ask you to leave as well. He would want you to be protected. He would want all of you to be protected.”

Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “Please. Maybe I can reason with him.”

He let her go then. 

But Ro already knew what her fate would be. Durin would tell her that he never loved her and she would never see his face again. 

***

Kíli didn’t like sleeping in his chambers. He hadn’t for the past year. Not since his last dream. The Valar has been kind enough to not send him anymore since that night where he learned that Dvarin has been the one to allow gold sickness into the Line of Durin.

Kíli didn’t like sleeping in his chambers so he found himself going on more hunting trips or following the Rangers, bringing him so close to the Shire and yet so far away. Occasionally, he found himself in bed with An.

His friendship with the dam was a deep one. They tumbled around a bit with one another, but there was a line neither would cross. Whether it was because their hearts were not in it or they simply knew there would be no going back from that point on, Kíli did not know. Even so, he occasionally rutted against her and she often found her pleasure as she rocked her hips against his. 

That night was simply one where they laid side by side on their backs, gazing at the ceiling above. 

“Ro returns soon,” An said in the silence. 

“Mhm,” Kíli grunted. “It’s hard to believe it’s been five years. Sometimes I still wait for her to get underfoot at home.”

“Have you missed her?”

“Of course. I can barely remember my life without her.” Kíli glanced at her. “She’s always been there, you know. Pretty sure the first full sentence she ever said was ‘bad Kíli’ because I had gotten into trouble.”

An laughed. “Well, you certainly haven’t grown out of that.”

Kíli’s lips twitched into a smile. “I certainly haven’t.”

Kíli bid her goodnight and crept back his way back to his own rooms. He fell asleep and dreamed. 

He was panicking. For once, thoughts began to flow through him. 

He can’t get to her. Mairon can’t get to them. He needed to protect them. He HAD to protect them. Kíli pulled all the documents he could find that bore Völva’s name. Many of them included his own since he had been her personal guard. He threw them in the fire. No one could find them. All records of her people needed to be destroyed. 

Some of Kíli’s thoughts resisted against this. He needed to know where Völva was going. He needed to protect her. 

THEM, his mind screamed. 

Flashes of the word children tumbling from Völva’s lips caused his stomach to twist. Mahal, she was pregnant. 

‘Shall the ones you protect be corrupted too?’ Mairon’s voice echoed through Kíli’s head. ‘Shall the ones you protect be corrupted too?’

Kíli wanted to vomit. The children were in danger. He couldn’t. He couldn’t know where she was going either. He continued to throw the documents away until everything that spoke of Völva and her people were ash. 

***

Fíli raged through his office. He flung papers from his desk and flipped the furniture. He threw scrolls and tools at the wall. Then he was on the ground, his knees buckled underneath him. 

“Völva…” he sobbed. She was his. HIS. How dare she leave. 

Fíli resisted those thoughts. Those thoughts were not his own. He wished to find her, but Fíli wanted to fall to his knees before her and beg forgiveness. He didn’t want to possess her. Durin’s thoughts raged against his own. If Fíli were able he would leap out of himself and strangle his ancestor for his stupidity and for his lust of gold, but he couldn’t. 

“You wanted to see me?” A blond dwarf, who looked a little like Fíli himself, came forward. 

A friend. “Dvarin, it’s Völva.” Pain ripped through his chest. “She’s gone.”

“She’s been gone for twenty years, Durin.”

“I want her back.” How selfish he sounded. 

Fíli pulled against the idea. Go to her when this is broken. He couldn’t see her now. Seeing him like this would only break her heart. 

“She’s gone, Durin.” Dvarin closed the door behind him. “She’s not coming back.”

“I am your king!” Fíli spat. 

“You were my friend before you were my king. Völva is my friend too.”

“Find her!”

“I can’t.” Fíli caught a trace of guilt in his eyes. “Let her go, Durin.”

In an instant, Fíli was upon him, grabbing him by the collar. “You’re keeping her from me!” He snarled. “You think I didn’t see the way you looked at her?! She’s mine!”

“She isn’t safe with you, Durin! She isn’t safe near any of us! If you loved her—if any of the love you had for her remains—let her go!”

“You would keep her from me?!”

“If it is to protect her? Always.” Dvarin’s expression remained firm. “You have changed, Durin. The dwarf I vowed to follow would have never done what you have. Would never have doubted the loyalty of his kin.”

“You speak to me of loyalty?”

“I saw her bruises. She is safer without you. She is safer without any of us!” Dvarin tore himself from Fíli’s grasp. “Let her go. If you loved her at all,” his voice was small then. “Just leave her to be at peace.”

Fíli awoke and he sat up in bed. He rubbed his face in his hands and sighed. It was his birthday. Such a wonderful dream to wake up to on such a momentous day. He sighed and prepared for the day.

Ro was coming home. 

The thought both thrilled and terrified him. 

It was a struggle to wait for the time she would be returned to hi—them.

When he saw her again, Fíli’s chest tightened. She had grown even more beautiful, he would even describe her as being radiant. Even the sun blushed at her beauty. When she saw them, she smiled. 

She leapt from the cart her friends and parents were on and ran to them. 

Kíli rushes past Fíli towards her. He scooped her up in his arms and twirled her around. She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing a kiss to his cheek. In retaliation, he scraped his stubble of a beard along her cheek and jaw. She shrieked with joy and ordered him to put her down. 

As Fíli watched the affectionate reunion, his uncle’s warning rang through his head. 

She was not his. She was not his. She was not his. 

She could not be his. 

He was not worthy. 

Then, suddenly, she was before him. She smiled up at him. “Hello, Fíli.”

“Ro,” her name was like honey on his tongue. 

“Happy Birthday.” She cocked her head to the side. “I hope you’re happy to see me because I’m your birthday present this year.”

A memory of an ancient birthday present came to mind and he felt himself flush slightly. “That’s fine. I’m glad you’re back.”

She smiled. 

Ro then turned and introduced her two friends. They all settled in and then got ready for the ball. 

All he could think of was Ro.

This ball was so different from Ro’s. He had to dance with so many different people. He was exhausted and he just wanted to sleep. He just wanted to spend time with Ro. 

“Do you want to step out a bit?” She asked him. “It’s getting a little stuffy in here.”

“Let’s go.”

He indulged himself as she took his hand and wove him through the crowd and out onto the deserted balcony. Ro sighed as she rested against the ledge. Fíli leaned against it next to her, their elbows brushing. 

“Is it nice to be back in Ered Luin?”

Ro laughed. “It’s nice to be back among family.” Her gaze was wistful. She glanced back inside. “No offense, but your party is so fussy.”

Fíli chuckled. “Adrina put it together.” His uncle made him do it. “It is rather flashy.”

Ro’s lips twitched at the mention of the dam. “Hobbit parties are so very different. Dancing is different too. It’s a good different though. I still prefer the dwarvish way of doing things.” She shook her head. “There are so many things I am going to miss.”

“Well, now that you’re back, perhaps you can implement some changes.” Fíli hoped that came off as nonchalant. 

“Back?”

Fíli looked over at her and saw her eyes narrowed in confusion. “You know, back in Ered Luin. Back for good.”

Her eyes widened. “Did you… did you not get my letter?”

“What letter?”

“I’m going back to the Shire after a week. I’m… I’m leaving again.”

Fíli felt his heart drop into his stomach, yet at the same time, it pinched up. “What?”

“There… there are still some things I have to learn.” She bit her lip. “Things I have to understand before... before I can come back here.”

“Does… do your parents know?”

“Of course.” Ro paled. “Did you truly not get my letter?”

He shook his head. 

“Oh.” Ro glanced up at him.

‘If you loved her at all, just leave her to be at peace.’

“Do you know when you’ll be back?” His voice was quiet.

She shook her head. 

They stood there in silence and watched the stars dance to the music of the ballroom.

A week later, watching Ro leave for the Shire for the third time tore his very heart in two.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ro – 50 (looks 22)  
> Kíli – 60 (looks 25)  
> Fíli – 65 (looks 26)

Ro smiled as she watched her two best friends get married. Lobelia was beautiful. Caspian was a dream. The two were grinning at each other the entire time. As the Old Took officiated the ceremony, Caspian would raise Lobelia's hands to his own and press a kiss to them. Lobelia would do the same. 

The Shire and the hobbits were slowly becoming a second home and a second people to Ro. She loved their joy and their peace. She sensed it among the dwarrow, but for most of her family’s race, there was an undercurrent of sadness and longing. Ro wished she could give the joy and peace of the hobbits to the dwarrow. She wished she could give that to Durin’s people. 

“Your time will come someday,” her grandmother came  
up behind her when the first dance between Lobelia and Caspian was taking place. “Móðirin has waited many centuries to find her Other again. You have a great destiny.”

“What if he doesn’t want me? In my dreams, he said he never loved me.”

The old hobbit woman stroked Ro’s hair gently. “If that were true, do you really believe your Durin would have repeatedly been reborn? He is, no doubt, waiting for you as well.”

Ro nodded. But who?

She knew Durin was always reborn within his own line, so that narrowed it down a bit. It most definitely wasn’t her da or her mum or Lady Dís. That left plenty of others in their family to be Durin. She would have sensed it, surely, even before the dreams. 

Ro doubted it was Thorin. He was practically an uncle to her. She doubted it was her other uncles as well. Maybe he was one of Durin’s descendants in the Iron Hills, but maybe he wasn’t. That left Fíli and Kíli. 

Ro would be lying if she hadn’t seen some similarities between Fíli and Kíli and Durin and Dvarin. Especially in appearances. Fíli looked the most like Dvarin and Kíli looked the most like Durin.

She pushed the thoughts from her mind when one of her Baggins cousins, Drogo was his name, asked her for a dance. Ro gladly accepted and left her musings for a few moments as she got caught up in the festivities of the day. 

She only returned to her musings after she returned to Bag End. 

Fíli looked like Dvarin. Kíli looked like Durin. 

That could mean something. It might not. 

Ro curled up in her bed, one she always felt was a little too big, and continued thinking. When had her dreams begun? She thought for a moment. 

She had still been with Caspian at the time. She had… she had been trying to let her feelings for Fíli go. He didn’t… care for her that way. She had decided not not send a letter asking Kíli to come and get her. 

Maybe… maybe her mind or heart or whatever or whoever was in charge of her dreams had been trying to make a point? Fíli didn’t love her, not the way Ro did—used to—still did. Maybe… maybe Fíli was Dvarin, or at least like him. He was her protector. Maybe that’s all he was meant to be. Maybe she confused that feeling of safety for love. Maybe that was it. The thought sat wrong in Ro’s stomach but maybe that was because of HER and not because of Völva.

Ro sighed. These feelings were confusing.

What if Kíli was Durin? 

He was as carefree as Durin had been before he got sick. He loved spinning her around and inviting her to mischief. He was her greatest companion. Maybe… maybe her dreams were trying to show her that? Maybe her dreams were trying to tell her she had been looking at the wrong brother?

Ro pulled her knees to her chest. Her heart felt like she was being torn in two. What if SHE loved Fíli? Really loved him. But what if Kíli was Durin? She knew that Völva loved her Other more than anything. Ro knew this because she found herself loving Durin too. So what if Kíli was Durin? It felt as though she were being torn apart. 

This is why she couldn’t go back to Ered Luin yet. 

She needed to sort out what she wanted. Ro loved Fíli and Kíli both too much to let them deal with her own indecision because whatever her choices were, one or all of them would get hurt. 

***

Kíli hated having a winter birthday. 

Usually he rather enjoyed it. Many of his earlier birthdays had been spent having snowball fights with Ro and Fíli and Ori (who was rubbish at it). But this year was different. Well, it was the same as it had been for the past decade. Ro wasn’t going to be there. 

She had promised during the summer she would make it, but then the winter hit everyone hard and it had become far too dangerous for her to travel. Kíli didn’t want her to travel if it meant she might be in danger of getting hurt. 

Even so, he wished Ro could have been there. It would have made his majority ball a lot more fun. 

At least he didn’t have to dance with Adrina. He shuddered. Kíli had come so very close to biting the dam’s head off when she made a backhanded comment on An’s appearance (she looked right beautiful in her deep green dress) and the healer apprentice had almost cried. He’d danced three times with An to make her feel better but also to spite the annoying dam. 

Adrina has recently turned her interest into Kíli since Fíli had made it abundantly clear that he only wished for Adrina to be an advisor. Kíli even heard his brother practically beg their uncle and Master Balin for her to not be HIS advisor. That made Kíli smirk. That is until Adrina had turned her advanced onto him. 

Now, Kíli knew that Adrina was pretty, he wasn’t blind. But she only cared about one person and that was herself. She had the depth of a hobbit’s spoon.

That night he dreamed again. 

Luckily, it was a relatively laid back memory. No Mairon in sight. No gold sickness. No rage. Just peace. 

Kíli, Durin and Völva were in the library of Moria. He only recognized it because this was where he had burned any evidence of Völva from the histories of their people. Völva and Durin were curled up on a couch together while Kíli sat in an adjacent chair. 

Völva was leaning against Durin’s side as he read through some papers, Kíli’s head told them they were some trading laws with elves. She ran her fingers through his dark beard as he thought. Although Durin appeared focused on his papers, Kíli could see a slight smile that could only be because of Völva. He pulled her hand from his beard and pulled it higher to his lips, pressing them to the back of her hand and then to her palm. She beamed up at him and she smiled back. Durin pressed his forehead to hers and she seemed to melt against him in content. 

Kíli watched them and realized this was the first spark of jealousy. The wish that he could have her. Völva was a wonderful woman. She was kind and loving and gentle. She was good, far better than any of the dams that were in the mountain. Kíli’s head told him that there were more dams than there were in Ered Luin and the Iron Hills combined. 

Kíli glanced down at his own blond beard and grimaced. Völva apparently loved Durin’s hair. She made enough comments about it that the the king would get flustered and now she often said it to tease him. Völva, apparently, had a type. 

Not him. Kíli sighed. He wished he had Durin’s looks. Maybe Völva would have noticed him instead. 

Kíli actually blinked himself awake at that though. 

Mahal… he looked like Durin. 

He flushed. Had he been so in love with Völva that Mahal had taken some pity on him and given him the Durin looks. Save the eyes. He seemed to have the same eyes Dvarin did. 

An image of Völva smiling at him, a pair of grey eyes he knew weren’t hers flashed briefly in his mind and then turned into a softer blue that Völva’s were. 

Kíli turned over on his bed and groaned, pressing his face to his pillow.

Stupid dreams and stupid body for reacting to them. 

He needed a cold bath. 

Good thing it was winter, he supposed. 

***

Fíli felt old.

He realized it must be because he was old, in this dream at least. He could still feel the madness swirling in his head but he was almost certain it was more due to the old age than sure to the gold sickness. 

“Völva,” his heart tightened. He’d never been able to forget her. His advisors had made him marry for no other reason but to provide an heir. His wife was cold and calculating. His son was the only good thing in his life and then his grandson after that. He tried desperately to help them become the man Völva had wished him to be, but he knew he was a distant father and a distant grandfather. 

He was not the dwarf Völva always believed he could be. 

He saw Dvarin coming in after his shift. His old friend apparently did that more often than not. He hadn’t gotten married or even seemed to have indulged in any women as far as Fíli knew. His friend’s blond hair was streaking with silvery grey. 

Dvarin nodded his head at Fíli as he sat down. His friend had never told him where Völva had gone. But perhaps he didn’t know either. If he did, he might have gone with her. 

“You loved her,” Fíli asked. “Didn’t you?” His voice was weak and there was no fire in it. Memories of seeing Dvarin smiling around Völva floated through his head. Dvarin was a much better dwarf than he. 

“I did.” Dvarin looked away. “I do.”

Fíli’s chest tightened. He wished he could have been a dwarf like Dvarin. His friend had put everyone above himself. He had put Durin and Völva before his own feelings. He had let Völva flee so that she could be free, so she could be safe. The pit of Fíli’s stomach churned. Safe from HIM. 

“She deserved someone like you,” Fíli said. “Someone who put her before everything.” He couldn’t even put her above his gold or even her own crown. He was a coward. 

‘Did you ever love me, Durin?’ Völva’s voice echoed in his head. ‘Was it all just a dream?’ Fíli’s heart ached. She sounded like Ro. ‘Tell me it wasn’t and I shall wait until the end of my days for you to call on me.’

“I wish I could have been more like you,” Fíli told Dvarin. His friend did not reply. 

Fíli blinked himself awake. 

He supposed he had become a little like Dvarin. A lot like him, really. He looked like Dvarin did, for one thing. His eyes were Durin’s color though, as though that were the one thing Mahal had let him keep. 

He’s become more like Dvarin in personality too. Even before his dreams occurred he had always felt the need to protect… to protect everyone, but that need felt so much more… driven with Ro. 

Fíli sat up and rubbed his face with his hands. He’d done what Durin hadn’t been able to do. He’d let Ro go. He let her go so she could be with someone who could let her be free. Someone like Kíli. 

His stomach twisted but he pushed the feeling down. 

He… Fíli knew he had the capacity to be like Durin. Everyone, specifically the men, in the Line of Durin had the capacity to fall into gold sickness. His own great-grandfather had fallen prey to it. And instead of pushing away his family, he brought a dragon to their doorstep. His grandfather had gone crazy and had disappeared leaving Thorin to lead. 

Fíli had the capacity to go mad. He had the capacity to hurt Ro as Völva had been hurt. Flashes of her bruised wrists and thighs and hips came to mind and Fíli felt sick. Durin had done that. Fíli had done that. He wanted to throttle his past self. How could he possibly claim to love her when he didn’t deserve to. 

She would be safer with someone like Kíli who didn’t seem to care for gold at all. If any of them could beat gold sickness it was probably Thorin and Kíli. Thorin because he had seen it happen and Kíli because Kíli was always just so carefree. 

Fíli, however, had felt the madness and saw what it did and he was afraid. He was afraid that he’d fall prey to it and try to possess Ro as Durin had possessed Völva. 

Perhaps it was best that Ro was gone for now. 

He had time to prepare his heart for the time she would tell him she had found her One. 

Kíli’s face flashed in his head. 

Fíli collapsed back onto his bed and wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this section!  
> Now! Onto the Quest!!!!


	11. Continuation of Series Reminder

Just remember to check out Part 3: The Quest for Ourselves!

Blurb:

The Quest for Erebor has begun.

Ro has spent ten years readying her heart and soul and mind for the next time she saw Fíli and Kíli. They, in turn, have done the same.

As they travel, old hurts and ghosts of the past lurk in the shadows as forces around them begin to work against everything they are hoping to accomplish.

Shall we see if the past repeats itself?

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me on tumblr at fromtheboundlesssea
> 
> feel free to message me about anything! I even have mood boards (of sorts) to my fics!
> 
> Who should Ro end up with poll:  
> Fíli: 57  
> Kíli: 27  
> Both: 71


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